Post by bigfan on Nov 5, 2017 19:13:16 GMT
“Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall,” the Announcer addressed the swelling crowd, “with a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, hailing from Roswell, New Mexico… she stands five feet five inches tall and weighs in tonight at one hundred and twenty-five pounds, would you please welcome… LAAAUUURRRAAA DIIIAAAMMMOOONNNDDD!!!!”
The name alone was enough to draw an enthusiastic roar from the crowd -- Diamond had built herself a considerable fan following up in the Jungle, and that was enough to put her on the highway down to Florida for a tete-a-tete with an opponent on the main roster. But while a relatively fresh face on the pay-per-view circuit, the music that accompanied her name was decidedly old school—namely Steppenwolf’s ‘Born to be Wild.’
In addition to the music pumping out over the speakers, there’s also the sound of a revving engine—and that sound was decidedly live. A moment later, and its source—a Harley Davidson—drove onto the stage, the arena EXPLODING in approval. Of course, it’s not just the bike that impressed them. The well-built brunette lovely astride the hog, her silver fightin’ two piece visible underneath an open black leather jacket and chaps, her eyes hidden behind shades, was certainly deserving of plenty of praise.
LAURA DIAMOND
Riding her bike all the way down to ring, Laura took a turn away from the ring steps, parking her Harley near the other post. Slipping off her mount, the young brunette removed her shades, slipping them into the pocket of her jacket. Then, beaming, Diamond took a quick lap around the ring, reaching to slap as many hands as she could before bounding up the steel steps. Sliding through the ropes, Laura leapt onto the middle rope, pumping a fist to an appreciative cheer, before jumping down and beginning the process of slipping out of her leathers.
“And her opponent… from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil… at five foot four and one hundred sixteen pounds… please welcome, Maria Alves!”
’Paper Planes’ by M.I.A. announced the entrance of the Brazilian rookie. Maria stepped through the curtains at the top of the entrance ramp, dressed in a white pull-over tunic that resembled a judo gi complete with black belt, albeit much more form fitting. Unlike her standard judo-wear, Alves continued to go without pants for her professional wrestling matches at the behest of marketing and wardrobe, bare below the hips save for a pair of black bikini bottoms to preserve her modesty. To the delight of the fans, she was in effect wearing a very, very short skirt, and after taking in her surroundings for a few seconds, she calmly strolled down the entrance ramp, occasionally bobbing her head to the beat of her music.
MARIA ALVES
As Maria approached the ring, however, her would-be opponent’s motorcycle caught her eye, especially the fact that the key was still in the ignition. Alves nonchalantly sauntered over to the ring steps next to the Harley Davidson, but when everyone else expected her to ascend into the squared circle, she instead made a dash for the hog. She leapt into the saddle, fired up the engine, and peeled off with a screech of the tires, roaring up the entrance ramp and disappearing through the curtains once more. It all happened so quickly that it left everyone else in the building flabbergasted and slack-jawed, including the vehicle’s rightful owner.
“She took my bike…” Laura quietly muttered before the reality of the situation set in a few seconds later. “SHE TOOK MY BIKE! THAT BITCH JACKED MY BIKE!”
Understandably furious, Diamond tried to go and track down the thief backstage even as the referee did his best to keep her contained within the confines of the ring. The man seemed to be fighting a losing battle and the Jungle mainstay was on the verge of breaking free of his grasps when Maria reappeared at the top of the entrance ramp, albeit without the motorcycle. Nonchalant in the face of the other brunette’s boiling rage, Alves walked towards the ring with all the carefree indifference of someone going for a leisurely Sunday stroll.
“I bring good news, Laura,” she announced while she climbed the ring steps. “No one was hurt when I lost control and crashed your motorcycle just now.”
A short pause as Maria stepped through the ropes.
“Except for the people I crashed into, of course,” Alves added with a casual shrug. “They were hurt quite badly. Shame on you, Laura Diamond. Shame on you for bringing such a dangerous machine into these hallowed halls. Have you no regard for human life?”
That was the last straw for Laura. She tore herself free from the referee, charged across the ring, and tackled the Brazilian rookie to the mat. With an enraged, unintelligible screech, she began pounding fist after fist after fist into Maria’s face. Unaccustomed to brawling in such a manner, the judoka seemed like a deer caught in the headlights. She tried to bat away her attacker’s arms with limited success as blow after blow slipped through her defenses, and it was only the referee’s intervention that saved her from being beaten into a bloody pulp right then and there.
The official dragged a still fuming Laura into the opposite corner and delivered a stern reprimand. When that predictably stoked her anger, the man reassured her that the federation would garnish Maria’s wages to pay for any damages to persons or property, which appeared to bring Diamond’s temper down to a simmer from a boil. Having placated one wrestler for the time being, the referee went to check on Alves who was just now crawling to hands and knees.
“My opponent's deplorable ambush has left me mildly inconvenienced,” Maria complained to the man while she pushed herself to her feet.
The referee figured that the judoka meant that she was okay for the match to continue, so he turned towards the timekeeper at ringside and gestured for the bell to ring. As soon as the bout was officially underway, a snarling Laura stormed towards the center of the ring, eager to get her hands on her fellow brunette. Diamond tried to tackle the smaller wrestler again, but this time Alves was ready and she splayed out her legs like a pair of kickstands to brace herself against the oncoming rush.
Once Maria had absorbed her opponent’s initial charge, she grabbed Laura’s left wrist with both hands and twisted the Jungle fan-favorite’s limb with an Arm Wringer. Diamond hissed in pain and doubled over at the waist, which unfortunately for her was exactly the reaction that the judoka was looking for. Still holding on to the captured wrist, Maria swung her leg up and over so that she was straddling Laura’s arm between her legs, and in one smooth motion she flipped to the mat.
FLYING ARMBAR:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7RcsLKYMj4
Diamond was pulled along for the ride and landed flat on her back with a grunt, but the greater cause for concern was the fact that her left arm was still trapped between Alves’ legs, a bad place to be against any opponent, let alone a high level judo practitioner. Laura was quick to counter the hold by clasping her hands together, and for a moment it seemed as if she had neutralized the Armbar. Maria only gave a soft, condescending scoff, however, before she transitioned into a counter for the counter by jamming her forearm into the crook of Laura’s bent elbow, scissored her legs around Laura’s arm, and bore down hard.
BICEP SLICER:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=a4PHQ7lnvZg
Unprepared for such a rare and esoteric hold, Diamond couldn’t help but yip in shock and hurt as the Bicep Slicer lived up to its name, her ligaments and tendons of her arm being stretched and crushed against the hard bones of the Brazilian rookie’s forearm. With her free arm, Laura slapped and clawed at Alves’ bare shins and feet in an attempt to loosen the hold, then she quickly shouted a “NO!” at the official, lest he misinterpret her actions as a submission. Maria gave a hard squeeze in retaliation and drew a pained shriek from her opponent, then she eased up on the pressure, seemingly content to play with her prey for the time being.
“Bethany Christian tells me it is frowned upon to maim one’s opponent in the first ten minutes,” Maria placidly informed the Jungle wrestler. “She also tells me that it is customary for one wrestler to verbally berate the other. Personally I find such behavior abhorrent and disrespectful, but Bethany was very insistent, so please have patience for the next nine minutes while I practice the art of speaking garbage at you.”
Alves cleared her throat as Laura continued to inch towards the ropes, then she said in a flat, emotionless tone, “Your mother is so corpulent that she is very physically unattractive.”
Diamond didn’t bother to offer a response as she was focused on getting to her lifeline at the edge of the ring. Meanwhile, Maria continued to rattle off the list of insults she had spent all morning memorizing.
“Your mother is so physically unattractive that it is surprising that she is also very promiscuous.”
Laura gritted her teeth and squirmed a little closer.
“Your mother is so promiscuous that she has acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.”
Laura moved a little closer still, and reached out her free hand, her fingertips brushing against the rubber-coated steel cable.
“Have you no rejoinder, Laura? Has my devastating wit left your self-esteem lower than your mother’s life expectancy?”
With a pained, triumphant yell, Diamond stretched out and wrapped her palm around the bottom rope, prompting the referee to begin his count. Maria sighed as she retreated to the other side of the ring, disappointed that she had failed to provoke a response from her opponent. She rolled up her left sleeve and revealed a half dozen gold and platinum watches looped around her forearm, the timepieces clearly intended for a much larger person and appearing comically oversized relative to the judoka’s slender arm.
“Eight minutes,” Maria announced as she tapped the bejeweled face of a Patek Philippe piece that cost more than some houses.
Laura was rather peeved at being treating so dismissively at her first pay-per-view appearance in quite a while, and she rushed her opponent for the third time in the match. Having nearly lost an arm when her tackle was previously countered, Diamond opted to take to the air with a Dropkick instead. Alves was still not quite accustomed to such tactics and she ended up taking one boot flush in the chest and the other directly in the mouth. The blow knocked her backwards, and she stumbled before falling out onto the apron between the top and middle ropes, and before Maria could regain her bearings, Laura was upon her again with a Baseball Slide to the gut that sent her tumbling to the barely-padded cement floor.
Now equal parts enraged over her wrecked bike and giddy over the prospect of her first singles victory on the main roster, the hardworking Jungle mainstay followed her opponent out onto the floor. Maria was still slow to rise, so Laura decided to give her some help in the form of a crushing Bear Hug. With her arms wrapped around the more petite wrestler’s rib cage, Diamond squeezed as hard as she could and arched her back to lift the judoka off the ground. Alves pried at those constricting arms, then pushed against her captor’s head and shoulders to try to loosen the death grip, but it was to no avail. Laura thrashed her back and forth like a pit bull with a chew toy, Maria’s bare toes occasionally brushing the ground without ever finding enough purchase for her to establish a solid base to mount a counter-attack.
Indeed, things seemed to be going quite swimmingly for Diamond as her opponent’s efforts to resist quickly waned, and the rookie was almost completely limp by the time the referee shouted, “SIXTEEN!” Laura cursed under her breath that her anger had made her lose sight of the fact that it wasn’t a No Disqualification or Falls Count Anywhere match, then she pivoted around and rammed the small of Maria’s back into the hard edge of the ring apron. Alves yelped upon having her vertebrae smashed, then Diamond shoveled back into the ring under the bottom rope to stop the official’s count.
Laura climbed onto the ring apron as well, but when she saw that the Brazilian was still lying facedown with one back pressed to her aching spine, the Jungle wrestler went to the turnbuckles instead of climbing through the ropes. The crowd gave her a cheer as she stood up on the top turnbuckle, and Laura spread her arms out at her sides as she soaked in the adulation for what was surely going to be her finest moment. Having given the ringside photographers plenty of highlight reel material, Diamond took to the air and twisted her body sideways so that she would come down with a Diving Elbow Drop straight to the judoka’s already aching back.
Unfortunately, it was the fans who betrayed her, as their collective roar the moment she leapt alerted Maria that something was amiss. Alves rolled over to get eyes on her opponent, and in doing so, inadvertently moved herself out of the way when Diamond came crashing to the mat a moment later. The point of Laura’s right elbow slammed into the unforgiving mat, sending pins-and-needles from her fingertips all the way through her shoulder and forcing her to roll into a fetal position while cradling the injured limb.
A couple of feet away, Maria pulled herself upright and checked the time again, frowning slightly when she saw that there were still five minutes left on the unofficial ten minute checkpoint that Bethany Christian had suggested. She took position behind her opponent, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for the Jungle fan-favorite to rise. Laura managed to get to her haunches before Alves decides to speed things along, hooking both of her arms at the elbows to pin them behind her back with a Double Chickenwing and forcing her up the rest of the way to her feet. Maria dipped down into a slight squat, then all in one motion popped her hips and arched her spine to send Laura up, back, and down with a Tiger Suplex.
TIGER SUPLEX:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=9jN9wU7UXPM
Alves’ judo expertise let her put a truly massive amount of force into the throw despite her slender frame, and Diamond actually blacked out for a few moments after landing on the back of her neck and shoulders. By the time the darkness faded from her vision, she found herself back exactly where she started, Maria having decided to eschew the pin in order to drag her back up and go for a second consecutive Tiger Suplex.
Fortunately, Laura’s survival instincts were still intact despite her senses not being all there at the moment, and she stomped the boot of her heel down on the judoka’s unprotected instep to short circuit any further offense from Alves. Diamond wriggled her arms free of the Double Chickenwing, then quickly spun around so that she was face-to-face with her opponent, and wrapped her arms around the Brazilian’s rib cage once more. Rather than another Bear Hug, Laura goes for her own suplex of the Belly-to-Belly variety, pivoting on one leg before diving to the deck to pancake Maria beneath her.
BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3pVgFXifDY
Diamond wasn’t beholden to any decree to draw the match out, and left in the perfect pinning position after the slam, she promptly hooked a leg as the fans counted along with the referee for...
ONE!
TWO!
...before Alves got a shoulder up, earning a few groans from the FAWNatics who would have liked to see Laura pick up a few wins and finally move up from the Jungle to the main roster. The woman herself seemed to take the minor disappointment in stride, and she hauled her opponent upright by an arm and sent Maria running to a corner with an Irish Whip. Alves turned her back at the last second and hit the turnbuckles with a grimace, and Diamond was just a couple of steps behind with a Yakuza Kick loaded up and ready to go.
Maria leaned to the side to dodge by the slimmest of margins, and Laura’s boot BWUNG’ED off the top turnbuckle that had been behind Maria’s head just a moment ago. By itself that wouldn’t have been a problem for Diamond, but before she could reset her stance, Alves trapped her kicking leg by cradling an arm behind the knee. Now stuck on one leg, Laura hopped backwards a few steps with her opponent in tow, though she didn’t get very far before Maria reeled her back in by the captured limb and tossed an arm across her shoulders. Once more Maria flexed her knees and popped her hips, this time tossing Laura backwards with an Exploder Suplex that saw the back of Diamond’s neck suffer a harsh impact against the turnbuckles before the Jungle favorite puddled into a boneless heap in the corner.
TURNBUCKLE EXPLODER SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVl2aIAeXik
Not bothering to get up from the mat where she lay, Alves rolled up her sleeve and checked one of her many watches again. A loud snort and a roll of her eyes told the audience that the judoka still had time to kill, and she did exactly that by rolling under the bottom rope and out of the ring, much to the confusion of the referee. Paying neither her opponent nor the official any mind, not even when the latter started to count, Maria scanned the front row fans and quickly found her mark, a forty-something man apparently there by himself.
“Dear sir or madam,” she began, approaching the lone fan and reciting the routine she had spent the better part of the week perfecting, “I am Amaka Adaego Ayuba the Third, crown princess of the great kingdom of Nigeria. I have royal funds sequestered in various banking institutions which total to twenty seven trillion, four hundred and eighty eight billion, nineteen million, one hundred and two thousand, and fifty three American dollars and thirty nine American cents. To gain access to these assets, however, I must pay legal and processing fees in the amount of --”
“Wait, wait, wait… are you trying to pull a 419 scam in person?!” the man interrupted, his voice high-pitched and incredulous. “Did you seriously expect me to believe that your name is…whatever you said... when you were just announced as Maria Alves?! That you’re a princess of Nigeria with trillions of dollars in the bank when everyone -- EVERYONE -- knows that Nigeria is a democratic republic?! You can’t honestly have thought that I would’ve believed a single word of that!”
“Sir or madam! You have insulted me!” Maria huffed while sounding quite offended. “I would never lie to you, except for when I intend to deceive you! Also, I have taken the credit cards from your wallet while we were having this conversation.”
The man blanched, and his hands quickly moved to his pocket to feel for his wallet. To his relief, the billfold was still there, and just to be safe, he pulled it out to ensure that its contents weren’t missing.
“Hah! I caught you in your bluff, you sneaky little liar! There’s nothing missing from -- HEY!”
Quick as a snake, Maria snatched the wallet from his hands, turned on her heels, and dove back into the ring just in the nick of time to avoid a disqualification. The unlucky fan tried to climb over the barricade to chase after his purloined wallet, but a trio of black-clad security guards seemed to materialize out of nowhere and dragged him off, kicking and screaming about the injustice of it all. Alves lifted up the bottom of her tunic, nonchalantly tucked her hard-won prize in the side of her underwear, then turned her attention back to her opponent who was just now recovering from being tossed into the turnbuckles.
“Ah, Laura! You are still living!” Maria cheerfully exclaimed. “What an unpleasant surprise!”
Laura fought her way upright to still wobbly legs and growled, “Shut your mouth and just bring it, you BITCH!”
The corners of Alves’ lips turned downwards into a frown.
“There is no need for such abusive language, Laura. Had I any respect for you or your thoughts and opinions, your words might have deeply wounded me.”
The judoka padded over towards her opponent, showing a bit more urgency than her usual lackadaisical pace. Diamond took a step out of the corner as well, but rather than meet the Brazilian head-on, she dropped to the ground and laced her shins around Maria’s ankles on her way down. Caught off guard by the Drop Toe Hold, Alves pitched forward and hit her forehead on the bottom turnbuckle after a short fall. Laura allowed herself a grin of contentment at getting some measure of revenge for the earlier Exploder Suplex into the corner, then she dragged her opponent to the center of the ring by an ankle.
Once she had the newcomer position far from the safety of the ropes, she took a seat on the small of the judoka’s back. Maria was still stunned from the bop to her head so she didn’t have the wherewithal to resist when her arms got hooked over the posted planks of Laura’s thighs, then a few moments later a pair of hands grasped her chin and bent her backwards with a brutal Camel Clutch.
CAMEL CLUTCH:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAW-251y0r0
Alves yipped and moaned as Diamond tested the flexibility of her neck and spine, but every time the referee offered to end the match, the trapped wrestler shook her head as best as she could. After about a minute with no surrender, Laura decided to try something else. She rolled onto her back and pulled her opponent into her lap, releasing her Chinlock and immediately coiling her arms around the Brazilian’s neck in order to work a Sleeper Hold. That proved to be a costly mistake, however, as Maria had escaped from countless Sleepers and Rear Naked Chokes in the course of an illustrious -- if dirty and unsportsmanlike -- judo career and she quickly wormed her way free of Laura’s grasps, first by turning her chin into the crook of Diamond’s elbow to create a few more millimeters of space to wedge in a hand, and then prying open those constricting arms.
Maria rolled to the edge of the ring and took a seat with her back leaning against the bottom rope. She checked the time again, and was pleased to note that the match had passed the ten minute mark while she had suffered in the Camel Clutch.
“Laura Diamond, at first I thought you were a nincompoop utterly devoid of wrestling ability…” Alves said while she rubbed the back of sore neck.
Laura snorted, then her lips broke into a smirk and she asked her opponent, “...but now?”
Diamond’s leading question seemed to catch Maria off guard. Despite her rather muted expressions, Alves’ pretty features turned into a blank slate of confusion, though that look of bewilderment soon curdled into visible irritation.
“There is no ’but now.’ I have not changed my opinion of you in any way.”
Laura was so mad that her face turned beet red. After a few seconds of stammering incomprehensible single syllables that never quite formed a coherent word, she let loose a ferocious roar and charged the judoka full-steam ahead. Her rage made her attack sloppy and telegraphed, however, and all Diamond got for her troubles was a forearm smashed into her face. There was a loud, metallic CLACK, then Laura collapsed to the mat and lay deathly still on her back. A handful of tiny springs and sprockets rolled out of Maria’s left sleeve, as apparently at least one of the expensive wristwatches on her arm had shattered after being used as a makeshift bludgeon against the Jungle wrestler’s skull.
“Laura Diamond, how dare you!” Maria snarled. “Do you have any idea how much those cost?!”
No response from the seemingly unconscious Laura while Maria shook her arm back and forth to get out the debris from what was left of her watches.
After a few seconds of silence Alves shrugged her shoulders, her anger whether real or feigned evaporating into thin air, and she said flatly, “Neither do I.”
Apparently having drawn out the match long enough, Maria set to work on a finishing hold. She collected her opponent’s left leg and stepped around in a circle to twist that limb around her own right shin. It looked like the beginnings of a Figure Four Leglock, but Alves tucked Laura’s left foot into the crook of the right knee rather than over the top of the joint. She folded Diamond’s right calf Indian style, then secured the cross-legged knot in place by hooking her right foot in the space between Laura’s shins.
INDIAN DEATHLOCK:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMRkCG-fsoY
The Indian Deathlock quickly brought Laura back to her senses, groaning and gasping against the agony in her legs. She reflexively sat up and pushed against Maria’s intruding shin with both hands, and when that proved futile, Diamond showed that she was not too proud to beg.
“No, Maria… I can’t… don’t -- no... no no no NONONO -- ARRGGHHH GAAAWWWD!”
Laura’s pleas fell on deaf ears as Maria dropped to a seat on the mat and used her own right shin as a crowbar to put exponentially more pressure into the hold. Diamond howled, her dark eyes welling and then overflowing with tears of anguish, and she desperately slapped at the mat, Alves’ leg, and even her own tortured thighs, doing anything she could to bring an end to the unbearable pain. The referee signaled immediately, and the announcer pronounced the Brazilian newcomer the winner by submission a moment later, yet Maria did not relent. Instead, she placed her left foot on Laura’s flexed right knee and pushed, increasing the strain on Laura’s thighs and hips to dangerous levels.
“NO, GOD! STOP! STOOOOP!” Diamond wailed even as she continued to frantically slap at the canvas. “YOU’RE BREAKING MY LEGS! YOU’RE BREAKING MY LE -- E -- E -- E --EGS!”
Alves merely sighed and rolled her eyes, continuing to torture her vanquished foe even while the referee screamed at her to release the hold and the FAWNatics showered her with boos.
“I wish you would not be so overdramatic, Laura,” she blandly chastised as Laura’s pleading degenerated into a wordless, inhuman screech. “The femur makes a very distinctive sound when it fractures, so please maintain your calm and refrain from screaming until you hear that audible cue.”
The official finally threatened to overturn the result of the match, however, and that was enough to get the judoka to relinquish the hold before severe injury could be inflicted. Maria seemed indignant that she was not allowed to maim her opponent even after letting the match drag past ten minutes according to Bethany Christian’s suggestions, and she regarded the referee with a mildly scolding glare.
“Though I find your demands unfair and unreasonable, I will accede in the spirit of good sportsmanship and respectful deference to your authority,” she informed the man. “I warn you, however, that I shall not be so charitable in my comments on the Book of Faces later this evening.”
Alves spun on her heels and delivered a stiff, formal bow to the sobbing Laura. When Diamond proved to be incapable of returning the gesture while curled into a fetal ball, Maria huffed as if gravely insulted.
“You dishonor yourself with your rudeness, Laura Diamond, and you have changed my opinion of you for the worse,” Alves sternly said. “At first I thought you were a nincompoop utterly devoid of wrestling ability, but now I think you are a nincompoop utterly devoid of wrestling ability and who is also an ungracious loser. Good day, sir or madam! I say, good day!”
Victory attained and rebuke delivered, Maria rolled out of the ring and stomped her way to the back, pay no attention to the tens of thousands of fans voicing their collective vitriol.
The name alone was enough to draw an enthusiastic roar from the crowd -- Diamond had built herself a considerable fan following up in the Jungle, and that was enough to put her on the highway down to Florida for a tete-a-tete with an opponent on the main roster. But while a relatively fresh face on the pay-per-view circuit, the music that accompanied her name was decidedly old school—namely Steppenwolf’s ‘Born to be Wild.’
In addition to the music pumping out over the speakers, there’s also the sound of a revving engine—and that sound was decidedly live. A moment later, and its source—a Harley Davidson—drove onto the stage, the arena EXPLODING in approval. Of course, it’s not just the bike that impressed them. The well-built brunette lovely astride the hog, her silver fightin’ two piece visible underneath an open black leather jacket and chaps, her eyes hidden behind shades, was certainly deserving of plenty of praise.
LAURA DIAMOND
Riding her bike all the way down to ring, Laura took a turn away from the ring steps, parking her Harley near the other post. Slipping off her mount, the young brunette removed her shades, slipping them into the pocket of her jacket. Then, beaming, Diamond took a quick lap around the ring, reaching to slap as many hands as she could before bounding up the steel steps. Sliding through the ropes, Laura leapt onto the middle rope, pumping a fist to an appreciative cheer, before jumping down and beginning the process of slipping out of her leathers.
“And her opponent… from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil… at five foot four and one hundred sixteen pounds… please welcome, Maria Alves!”
’Paper Planes’ by M.I.A. announced the entrance of the Brazilian rookie. Maria stepped through the curtains at the top of the entrance ramp, dressed in a white pull-over tunic that resembled a judo gi complete with black belt, albeit much more form fitting. Unlike her standard judo-wear, Alves continued to go without pants for her professional wrestling matches at the behest of marketing and wardrobe, bare below the hips save for a pair of black bikini bottoms to preserve her modesty. To the delight of the fans, she was in effect wearing a very, very short skirt, and after taking in her surroundings for a few seconds, she calmly strolled down the entrance ramp, occasionally bobbing her head to the beat of her music.
MARIA ALVES
As Maria approached the ring, however, her would-be opponent’s motorcycle caught her eye, especially the fact that the key was still in the ignition. Alves nonchalantly sauntered over to the ring steps next to the Harley Davidson, but when everyone else expected her to ascend into the squared circle, she instead made a dash for the hog. She leapt into the saddle, fired up the engine, and peeled off with a screech of the tires, roaring up the entrance ramp and disappearing through the curtains once more. It all happened so quickly that it left everyone else in the building flabbergasted and slack-jawed, including the vehicle’s rightful owner.
“She took my bike…” Laura quietly muttered before the reality of the situation set in a few seconds later. “SHE TOOK MY BIKE! THAT BITCH JACKED MY BIKE!”
Understandably furious, Diamond tried to go and track down the thief backstage even as the referee did his best to keep her contained within the confines of the ring. The man seemed to be fighting a losing battle and the Jungle mainstay was on the verge of breaking free of his grasps when Maria reappeared at the top of the entrance ramp, albeit without the motorcycle. Nonchalant in the face of the other brunette’s boiling rage, Alves walked towards the ring with all the carefree indifference of someone going for a leisurely Sunday stroll.
“I bring good news, Laura,” she announced while she climbed the ring steps. “No one was hurt when I lost control and crashed your motorcycle just now.”
A short pause as Maria stepped through the ropes.
“Except for the people I crashed into, of course,” Alves added with a casual shrug. “They were hurt quite badly. Shame on you, Laura Diamond. Shame on you for bringing such a dangerous machine into these hallowed halls. Have you no regard for human life?”
That was the last straw for Laura. She tore herself free from the referee, charged across the ring, and tackled the Brazilian rookie to the mat. With an enraged, unintelligible screech, she began pounding fist after fist after fist into Maria’s face. Unaccustomed to brawling in such a manner, the judoka seemed like a deer caught in the headlights. She tried to bat away her attacker’s arms with limited success as blow after blow slipped through her defenses, and it was only the referee’s intervention that saved her from being beaten into a bloody pulp right then and there.
The official dragged a still fuming Laura into the opposite corner and delivered a stern reprimand. When that predictably stoked her anger, the man reassured her that the federation would garnish Maria’s wages to pay for any damages to persons or property, which appeared to bring Diamond’s temper down to a simmer from a boil. Having placated one wrestler for the time being, the referee went to check on Alves who was just now crawling to hands and knees.
“My opponent's deplorable ambush has left me mildly inconvenienced,” Maria complained to the man while she pushed herself to her feet.
The referee figured that the judoka meant that she was okay for the match to continue, so he turned towards the timekeeper at ringside and gestured for the bell to ring. As soon as the bout was officially underway, a snarling Laura stormed towards the center of the ring, eager to get her hands on her fellow brunette. Diamond tried to tackle the smaller wrestler again, but this time Alves was ready and she splayed out her legs like a pair of kickstands to brace herself against the oncoming rush.
Once Maria had absorbed her opponent’s initial charge, she grabbed Laura’s left wrist with both hands and twisted the Jungle fan-favorite’s limb with an Arm Wringer. Diamond hissed in pain and doubled over at the waist, which unfortunately for her was exactly the reaction that the judoka was looking for. Still holding on to the captured wrist, Maria swung her leg up and over so that she was straddling Laura’s arm between her legs, and in one smooth motion she flipped to the mat.
FLYING ARMBAR:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7RcsLKYMj4
Diamond was pulled along for the ride and landed flat on her back with a grunt, but the greater cause for concern was the fact that her left arm was still trapped between Alves’ legs, a bad place to be against any opponent, let alone a high level judo practitioner. Laura was quick to counter the hold by clasping her hands together, and for a moment it seemed as if she had neutralized the Armbar. Maria only gave a soft, condescending scoff, however, before she transitioned into a counter for the counter by jamming her forearm into the crook of Laura’s bent elbow, scissored her legs around Laura’s arm, and bore down hard.
BICEP SLICER:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=a4PHQ7lnvZg
Unprepared for such a rare and esoteric hold, Diamond couldn’t help but yip in shock and hurt as the Bicep Slicer lived up to its name, her ligaments and tendons of her arm being stretched and crushed against the hard bones of the Brazilian rookie’s forearm. With her free arm, Laura slapped and clawed at Alves’ bare shins and feet in an attempt to loosen the hold, then she quickly shouted a “NO!” at the official, lest he misinterpret her actions as a submission. Maria gave a hard squeeze in retaliation and drew a pained shriek from her opponent, then she eased up on the pressure, seemingly content to play with her prey for the time being.
“Bethany Christian tells me it is frowned upon to maim one’s opponent in the first ten minutes,” Maria placidly informed the Jungle wrestler. “She also tells me that it is customary for one wrestler to verbally berate the other. Personally I find such behavior abhorrent and disrespectful, but Bethany was very insistent, so please have patience for the next nine minutes while I practice the art of speaking garbage at you.”
Alves cleared her throat as Laura continued to inch towards the ropes, then she said in a flat, emotionless tone, “Your mother is so corpulent that she is very physically unattractive.”
Diamond didn’t bother to offer a response as she was focused on getting to her lifeline at the edge of the ring. Meanwhile, Maria continued to rattle off the list of insults she had spent all morning memorizing.
“Your mother is so physically unattractive that it is surprising that she is also very promiscuous.”
Laura gritted her teeth and squirmed a little closer.
“Your mother is so promiscuous that she has acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.”
Laura moved a little closer still, and reached out her free hand, her fingertips brushing against the rubber-coated steel cable.
“Have you no rejoinder, Laura? Has my devastating wit left your self-esteem lower than your mother’s life expectancy?”
With a pained, triumphant yell, Diamond stretched out and wrapped her palm around the bottom rope, prompting the referee to begin his count. Maria sighed as she retreated to the other side of the ring, disappointed that she had failed to provoke a response from her opponent. She rolled up her left sleeve and revealed a half dozen gold and platinum watches looped around her forearm, the timepieces clearly intended for a much larger person and appearing comically oversized relative to the judoka’s slender arm.
“Eight minutes,” Maria announced as she tapped the bejeweled face of a Patek Philippe piece that cost more than some houses.
Laura was rather peeved at being treating so dismissively at her first pay-per-view appearance in quite a while, and she rushed her opponent for the third time in the match. Having nearly lost an arm when her tackle was previously countered, Diamond opted to take to the air with a Dropkick instead. Alves was still not quite accustomed to such tactics and she ended up taking one boot flush in the chest and the other directly in the mouth. The blow knocked her backwards, and she stumbled before falling out onto the apron between the top and middle ropes, and before Maria could regain her bearings, Laura was upon her again with a Baseball Slide to the gut that sent her tumbling to the barely-padded cement floor.
Now equal parts enraged over her wrecked bike and giddy over the prospect of her first singles victory on the main roster, the hardworking Jungle mainstay followed her opponent out onto the floor. Maria was still slow to rise, so Laura decided to give her some help in the form of a crushing Bear Hug. With her arms wrapped around the more petite wrestler’s rib cage, Diamond squeezed as hard as she could and arched her back to lift the judoka off the ground. Alves pried at those constricting arms, then pushed against her captor’s head and shoulders to try to loosen the death grip, but it was to no avail. Laura thrashed her back and forth like a pit bull with a chew toy, Maria’s bare toes occasionally brushing the ground without ever finding enough purchase for her to establish a solid base to mount a counter-attack.
Indeed, things seemed to be going quite swimmingly for Diamond as her opponent’s efforts to resist quickly waned, and the rookie was almost completely limp by the time the referee shouted, “SIXTEEN!” Laura cursed under her breath that her anger had made her lose sight of the fact that it wasn’t a No Disqualification or Falls Count Anywhere match, then she pivoted around and rammed the small of Maria’s back into the hard edge of the ring apron. Alves yelped upon having her vertebrae smashed, then Diamond shoveled back into the ring under the bottom rope to stop the official’s count.
Laura climbed onto the ring apron as well, but when she saw that the Brazilian was still lying facedown with one back pressed to her aching spine, the Jungle wrestler went to the turnbuckles instead of climbing through the ropes. The crowd gave her a cheer as she stood up on the top turnbuckle, and Laura spread her arms out at her sides as she soaked in the adulation for what was surely going to be her finest moment. Having given the ringside photographers plenty of highlight reel material, Diamond took to the air and twisted her body sideways so that she would come down with a Diving Elbow Drop straight to the judoka’s already aching back.
Unfortunately, it was the fans who betrayed her, as their collective roar the moment she leapt alerted Maria that something was amiss. Alves rolled over to get eyes on her opponent, and in doing so, inadvertently moved herself out of the way when Diamond came crashing to the mat a moment later. The point of Laura’s right elbow slammed into the unforgiving mat, sending pins-and-needles from her fingertips all the way through her shoulder and forcing her to roll into a fetal position while cradling the injured limb.
A couple of feet away, Maria pulled herself upright and checked the time again, frowning slightly when she saw that there were still five minutes left on the unofficial ten minute checkpoint that Bethany Christian had suggested. She took position behind her opponent, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for the Jungle fan-favorite to rise. Laura managed to get to her haunches before Alves decides to speed things along, hooking both of her arms at the elbows to pin them behind her back with a Double Chickenwing and forcing her up the rest of the way to her feet. Maria dipped down into a slight squat, then all in one motion popped her hips and arched her spine to send Laura up, back, and down with a Tiger Suplex.
TIGER SUPLEX:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=9jN9wU7UXPM
Alves’ judo expertise let her put a truly massive amount of force into the throw despite her slender frame, and Diamond actually blacked out for a few moments after landing on the back of her neck and shoulders. By the time the darkness faded from her vision, she found herself back exactly where she started, Maria having decided to eschew the pin in order to drag her back up and go for a second consecutive Tiger Suplex.
Fortunately, Laura’s survival instincts were still intact despite her senses not being all there at the moment, and she stomped the boot of her heel down on the judoka’s unprotected instep to short circuit any further offense from Alves. Diamond wriggled her arms free of the Double Chickenwing, then quickly spun around so that she was face-to-face with her opponent, and wrapped her arms around the Brazilian’s rib cage once more. Rather than another Bear Hug, Laura goes for her own suplex of the Belly-to-Belly variety, pivoting on one leg before diving to the deck to pancake Maria beneath her.
BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3pVgFXifDY
Diamond wasn’t beholden to any decree to draw the match out, and left in the perfect pinning position after the slam, she promptly hooked a leg as the fans counted along with the referee for...
ONE!
TWO!
...before Alves got a shoulder up, earning a few groans from the FAWNatics who would have liked to see Laura pick up a few wins and finally move up from the Jungle to the main roster. The woman herself seemed to take the minor disappointment in stride, and she hauled her opponent upright by an arm and sent Maria running to a corner with an Irish Whip. Alves turned her back at the last second and hit the turnbuckles with a grimace, and Diamond was just a couple of steps behind with a Yakuza Kick loaded up and ready to go.
Maria leaned to the side to dodge by the slimmest of margins, and Laura’s boot BWUNG’ED off the top turnbuckle that had been behind Maria’s head just a moment ago. By itself that wouldn’t have been a problem for Diamond, but before she could reset her stance, Alves trapped her kicking leg by cradling an arm behind the knee. Now stuck on one leg, Laura hopped backwards a few steps with her opponent in tow, though she didn’t get very far before Maria reeled her back in by the captured limb and tossed an arm across her shoulders. Once more Maria flexed her knees and popped her hips, this time tossing Laura backwards with an Exploder Suplex that saw the back of Diamond’s neck suffer a harsh impact against the turnbuckles before the Jungle favorite puddled into a boneless heap in the corner.
TURNBUCKLE EXPLODER SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVl2aIAeXik
Not bothering to get up from the mat where she lay, Alves rolled up her sleeve and checked one of her many watches again. A loud snort and a roll of her eyes told the audience that the judoka still had time to kill, and she did exactly that by rolling under the bottom rope and out of the ring, much to the confusion of the referee. Paying neither her opponent nor the official any mind, not even when the latter started to count, Maria scanned the front row fans and quickly found her mark, a forty-something man apparently there by himself.
“Dear sir or madam,” she began, approaching the lone fan and reciting the routine she had spent the better part of the week perfecting, “I am Amaka Adaego Ayuba the Third, crown princess of the great kingdom of Nigeria. I have royal funds sequestered in various banking institutions which total to twenty seven trillion, four hundred and eighty eight billion, nineteen million, one hundred and two thousand, and fifty three American dollars and thirty nine American cents. To gain access to these assets, however, I must pay legal and processing fees in the amount of --”
“Wait, wait, wait… are you trying to pull a 419 scam in person?!” the man interrupted, his voice high-pitched and incredulous. “Did you seriously expect me to believe that your name is…whatever you said... when you were just announced as Maria Alves?! That you’re a princess of Nigeria with trillions of dollars in the bank when everyone -- EVERYONE -- knows that Nigeria is a democratic republic?! You can’t honestly have thought that I would’ve believed a single word of that!”
“Sir or madam! You have insulted me!” Maria huffed while sounding quite offended. “I would never lie to you, except for when I intend to deceive you! Also, I have taken the credit cards from your wallet while we were having this conversation.”
The man blanched, and his hands quickly moved to his pocket to feel for his wallet. To his relief, the billfold was still there, and just to be safe, he pulled it out to ensure that its contents weren’t missing.
“Hah! I caught you in your bluff, you sneaky little liar! There’s nothing missing from -- HEY!”
Quick as a snake, Maria snatched the wallet from his hands, turned on her heels, and dove back into the ring just in the nick of time to avoid a disqualification. The unlucky fan tried to climb over the barricade to chase after his purloined wallet, but a trio of black-clad security guards seemed to materialize out of nowhere and dragged him off, kicking and screaming about the injustice of it all. Alves lifted up the bottom of her tunic, nonchalantly tucked her hard-won prize in the side of her underwear, then turned her attention back to her opponent who was just now recovering from being tossed into the turnbuckles.
“Ah, Laura! You are still living!” Maria cheerfully exclaimed. “What an unpleasant surprise!”
Laura fought her way upright to still wobbly legs and growled, “Shut your mouth and just bring it, you BITCH!”
The corners of Alves’ lips turned downwards into a frown.
“There is no need for such abusive language, Laura. Had I any respect for you or your thoughts and opinions, your words might have deeply wounded me.”
The judoka padded over towards her opponent, showing a bit more urgency than her usual lackadaisical pace. Diamond took a step out of the corner as well, but rather than meet the Brazilian head-on, she dropped to the ground and laced her shins around Maria’s ankles on her way down. Caught off guard by the Drop Toe Hold, Alves pitched forward and hit her forehead on the bottom turnbuckle after a short fall. Laura allowed herself a grin of contentment at getting some measure of revenge for the earlier Exploder Suplex into the corner, then she dragged her opponent to the center of the ring by an ankle.
Once she had the newcomer position far from the safety of the ropes, she took a seat on the small of the judoka’s back. Maria was still stunned from the bop to her head so she didn’t have the wherewithal to resist when her arms got hooked over the posted planks of Laura’s thighs, then a few moments later a pair of hands grasped her chin and bent her backwards with a brutal Camel Clutch.
CAMEL CLUTCH:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAW-251y0r0
Alves yipped and moaned as Diamond tested the flexibility of her neck and spine, but every time the referee offered to end the match, the trapped wrestler shook her head as best as she could. After about a minute with no surrender, Laura decided to try something else. She rolled onto her back and pulled her opponent into her lap, releasing her Chinlock and immediately coiling her arms around the Brazilian’s neck in order to work a Sleeper Hold. That proved to be a costly mistake, however, as Maria had escaped from countless Sleepers and Rear Naked Chokes in the course of an illustrious -- if dirty and unsportsmanlike -- judo career and she quickly wormed her way free of Laura’s grasps, first by turning her chin into the crook of Diamond’s elbow to create a few more millimeters of space to wedge in a hand, and then prying open those constricting arms.
Maria rolled to the edge of the ring and took a seat with her back leaning against the bottom rope. She checked the time again, and was pleased to note that the match had passed the ten minute mark while she had suffered in the Camel Clutch.
“Laura Diamond, at first I thought you were a nincompoop utterly devoid of wrestling ability…” Alves said while she rubbed the back of sore neck.
Laura snorted, then her lips broke into a smirk and she asked her opponent, “...but now?”
Diamond’s leading question seemed to catch Maria off guard. Despite her rather muted expressions, Alves’ pretty features turned into a blank slate of confusion, though that look of bewilderment soon curdled into visible irritation.
“There is no ’but now.’ I have not changed my opinion of you in any way.”
Laura was so mad that her face turned beet red. After a few seconds of stammering incomprehensible single syllables that never quite formed a coherent word, she let loose a ferocious roar and charged the judoka full-steam ahead. Her rage made her attack sloppy and telegraphed, however, and all Diamond got for her troubles was a forearm smashed into her face. There was a loud, metallic CLACK, then Laura collapsed to the mat and lay deathly still on her back. A handful of tiny springs and sprockets rolled out of Maria’s left sleeve, as apparently at least one of the expensive wristwatches on her arm had shattered after being used as a makeshift bludgeon against the Jungle wrestler’s skull.
“Laura Diamond, how dare you!” Maria snarled. “Do you have any idea how much those cost?!”
No response from the seemingly unconscious Laura while Maria shook her arm back and forth to get out the debris from what was left of her watches.
After a few seconds of silence Alves shrugged her shoulders, her anger whether real or feigned evaporating into thin air, and she said flatly, “Neither do I.”
Apparently having drawn out the match long enough, Maria set to work on a finishing hold. She collected her opponent’s left leg and stepped around in a circle to twist that limb around her own right shin. It looked like the beginnings of a Figure Four Leglock, but Alves tucked Laura’s left foot into the crook of the right knee rather than over the top of the joint. She folded Diamond’s right calf Indian style, then secured the cross-legged knot in place by hooking her right foot in the space between Laura’s shins.
INDIAN DEATHLOCK:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMRkCG-fsoY
The Indian Deathlock quickly brought Laura back to her senses, groaning and gasping against the agony in her legs. She reflexively sat up and pushed against Maria’s intruding shin with both hands, and when that proved futile, Diamond showed that she was not too proud to beg.
“No, Maria… I can’t… don’t -- no... no no no NONONO -- ARRGGHHH GAAAWWWD!”
Laura’s pleas fell on deaf ears as Maria dropped to a seat on the mat and used her own right shin as a crowbar to put exponentially more pressure into the hold. Diamond howled, her dark eyes welling and then overflowing with tears of anguish, and she desperately slapped at the mat, Alves’ leg, and even her own tortured thighs, doing anything she could to bring an end to the unbearable pain. The referee signaled immediately, and the announcer pronounced the Brazilian newcomer the winner by submission a moment later, yet Maria did not relent. Instead, she placed her left foot on Laura’s flexed right knee and pushed, increasing the strain on Laura’s thighs and hips to dangerous levels.
“NO, GOD! STOP! STOOOOP!” Diamond wailed even as she continued to frantically slap at the canvas. “YOU’RE BREAKING MY LEGS! YOU’RE BREAKING MY LE -- E -- E -- E --EGS!”
Alves merely sighed and rolled her eyes, continuing to torture her vanquished foe even while the referee screamed at her to release the hold and the FAWNatics showered her with boos.
“I wish you would not be so overdramatic, Laura,” she blandly chastised as Laura’s pleading degenerated into a wordless, inhuman screech. “The femur makes a very distinctive sound when it fractures, so please maintain your calm and refrain from screaming until you hear that audible cue.”
The official finally threatened to overturn the result of the match, however, and that was enough to get the judoka to relinquish the hold before severe injury could be inflicted. Maria seemed indignant that she was not allowed to maim her opponent even after letting the match drag past ten minutes according to Bethany Christian’s suggestions, and she regarded the referee with a mildly scolding glare.
“Though I find your demands unfair and unreasonable, I will accede in the spirit of good sportsmanship and respectful deference to your authority,” she informed the man. “I warn you, however, that I shall not be so charitable in my comments on the Book of Faces later this evening.”
Alves spun on her heels and delivered a stiff, formal bow to the sobbing Laura. When Diamond proved to be incapable of returning the gesture while curled into a fetal ball, Maria huffed as if gravely insulted.
“You dishonor yourself with your rudeness, Laura Diamond, and you have changed my opinion of you for the worse,” Alves sternly said. “At first I thought you were a nincompoop utterly devoid of wrestling ability, but now I think you are a nincompoop utterly devoid of wrestling ability and who is also an ungracious loser. Good day, sir or madam! I say, good day!”
Victory attained and rebuke delivered, Maria rolled out of the ring and stomped her way to the back, pay no attention to the tens of thousands of fans voicing their collective vitriol.