Post by dsb on Feb 13, 2017 3:29:39 GMT
A/N: My experiment in writing cringe-comedy as a change up from the usual ring action, with a dash of important story developments. Enjoy!
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In the aftermath of her muddy brawl with the Technical Marvel, Yoona Park found herself in a bit of a dilemma. The already short list of wrestlers who could tolerate her incessant nattering and trash talk grew even shorter after rumors of that bout spread throughout the locker room. The list of wrestlers who could match her in a submission wrestling contest also grew shorter as she progressively added more and more holds to her arsenal, drawing techniques from grappling disciplines as wide and varied as sambo, jiu-jitsu, and catch wrestling. Pretty soon, the list of wrestlers who simultaneously fit into both categories shrunk to the point that it started with “Olivia” and ended with “Dare.”
And so it was that Yoona and Olivia came to have their weekly, hour-long bouts to see who could score the most technical submissions in the absence of striking, throws, and cattiness. It soon became apparent, however, that Park could never win more than four out of ten falls on a good day. For all of her rubber-limbed wizardry, Yoona’s fragile ankles and feet proved to be too much of a liability against another top tier grappler. She had to put so much effort into ensuring that her feet were never in a vulnerable position that it compromised her defense against submissions targeted elsewhere and also severely restricted the holds that she herself could use.
This bothered Park to no end, and by proxy it bothered Cosworth as well. While Camille’s own ground game was improving -- including scoring the first submission victory of her short career in the first round of the rookie tournament -- it was still an area in which she was a level or two below her girlfriend, which precluded her from offering any real advice on technique. Nevertheless, Cosworth was determined to help however she could, and when an upcoming House Show was scheduled in Jacksonville, she saw a golden opportunity.
With a few phone calls and text messages, Camille got herself added to the card, thereby giving her an excuse to see her old friends at the Mayo Clinic.
---Several days later, Mayo Clinic, Jacksonville, Florida, 6:37 PM---
Dr. Roy Bausch was having a very bad day.
As his skills as a medical professional grew in recent months, so too did his responsibilities and work hours. It was just his rotten luck that he happened to be stuck on the night shift the same night that the object of his unexpressed affections was in town for a FAWN House Show.
While he had only met Camille Cosworth one time many months ago, Roy felt that the chemistry was immediately obvious. Even though his duties at the Mayo Clinic kept him far too busy to attend a show in Orlando, or even to really keep up with latest developments in FAWN in any regard, the pretty brunette with cute dimples and washboard abs was never far from his thoughts. Evidently, he was never far from Cosworth’s thoughts either, judging by the personal invitation to attend the show. With it being so close to Valentine’s Day it would have been the perfect time to rekindle that initial spark and stoke the fires of passion, but alas, it was not to be.
Cursing both the Old Gods and the New, Roy sent off a text message…
Working all night, can’t make it
...followed by a string of sad-face emojis.
A few seconds later, there was a reply.
Swing by the hotel in the morning? It’s something really important
The young intern’s fingers had typed out and sent YES before he even finished reading the previous message.
---The next morning, Mayo Clinic, Jacksonville, Florida, 7:40 AM---
Dr. Roy Bausch was having a very good day.
ROY BAUSCH
Despite not sleeping a wink the night before, he was feeling like a million bucks. After morning hand-off to the day team, he took a shower in the staff locker room and changed into a spare dress shirt with only a moderate amount of coffee stains. He stopped by the hospital gift shop and was in the process of picking out a bouquet of flowers when his phone chimed with a new text message from Camille.
Yoona went to get food, she’ll pick you up along the way
The name sounded familiar to Bausch, but he couldn’t quite remember the details. Pulling out his phone, he browsed through Cosworth’s Instagram account to try to put a face to the name. Mostly it was just shot after shot of Starbucks lattes with various artistic filters applied, but there was one young Asian woman who regularly appeared in the pictures. Using his deductive powers, Roy surmised that this must be Yoona, and that Yoona must be Camille’s roommate.
“Alright!” Bausch said to himself with a fist pump. “Everything’s comin’ up Roy!”
He figured that this was the perfect opportunity to endear himself to Cosworth’s friend and perhaps even get some valuable information. If he could do that, then that would go a long way towards wooing his would-be paramour. Brimming with confidence, he added a pair of imitation Ray Ban aviator sunglasses to his bouquet and made his purchase.
“I feel the need…” Roy said to himself as he dramatically put on his new shades and his headphones, and set his phone to play Highway to the Danger Zone at maximum volume, somehow neglecting to plug the headphone jack into the audio port. “...The need for SPEED!”
Bausch strutted out of the gift shop, snapping his fingers and bobbing his head to the beat while lip-syncing along with Kenny Loggins, still oblivious to both the stares he was getting and the fact that his music was blaring for everyone to hear. Somewhere in the main lobby, he swaggered past Samuel Shem, the director of sports medicine at the Mayo Clinic, Roy’s direct superior, and personal friend of the entire Cosworth family.
SAMUEL SHEM
“Bausch! What the bloody hell are you --”
“Can’t hear you, sir!” Roy interrupted, pointing at his unconnected headphones. “I’m in the zone… the DANGER ZONE!”
Not paying the exasperated senior doctor any mind, Bausch strolled out of the building and into the patient drop-off area, unshakable in his conviction that he would soon win Camille’s heart.
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:03 AM---
Roy sat in the hotel lobby, shaking uncontrollably.
The ride over from the hospital, courtesy of Yoona and her demon car Eleanor, had been the most terrifying seven minutes of his life. His plan to chat up the Korean beauty had been foiled when he spent the entire duration of the trip shrieking in terror while trying not to void himself, and when they had merged across three highway lanes without signaling and drifted sideways down an exit ramp, Bausch saw his entire life flash before his eyes.
YOONA PARK
“Has your flop-sweating stopped?” Yoona asked nonchalantly through a mouthful of blueberry scone as she sat on a couch across from the young doctor.
“A-a-a-almost,” came the stammering reply. “You… you drive… k-k-kinda fast. Too f-fast… I-I-I’m pretty… pretty sure the s-speed limit is n-n-not...”
“I was under the speed limit!” Park snorted. “Eleanor’s an imported car, so you have to convert from miles-per-hour to Celsius!”
“That.. that doesn’t many any sense!”
“Your face doesn’t make any sense!” Yoona snapped. “I figured anyone blasting the theme to Top Gun would appreciate my driving skills!!”
“It’s just… just, uhh, my p-pump… pump up music,” Roy stuttered. “Before a date.”
“A date? Well, that explains the bouquet,” Park scoffed sarcastically. “Who’s the lucky girl?”
“Your roommate.”
“My room -- ?”
Yoona suddenly froze in place sentence, her mouth hanging slightly agape as crumbs of scone fell from her lips. Her eyes were locked in a thousand yard stare, looking through Bausch rather than at him. Then slowly, millimeter by millimeter, the corners of her mouth started curling upwards into a wide, leering smile, even as the rest of her face remained expressionless. Roy thought that she looked like a cat who had eaten a particularly delicious canary.
And then just as suddenly as she had frozen, Park burst into hysterics, spewing bits of her half-chewed pastry all over Bausch.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH, FUCK! OOOOHHH, FUCK! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:09 AM---
“GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH SHIT! OH SHIT, OH SHIT, I CAN’T BREATHE! HAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
Roy was beginning to feel self-conscious.
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:13 AM---
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH, YOU MAGNIFICENT, DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!” Park jubilantly shouted as she painfully pinched both of Bausch’s cheeks. “KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
Roy was beginning to feel very self-conscious indeed, but at least his terror-shakes had stopped.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:17 AM---
“HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaa -- aaaa -- ahem ahem. Okay, okay, I’m done now. Tell me more about your plan to romance Cam,” Yoona said calmly after a deep breath. “This intrigues me and I wish to know more.”
“I was, umm, hoping that y-you could help with that. Since you know -- since you know her so well…” Bausch sheepishly replied.
“And you think she and I are....?”
“Roommates?”
“That’s… technically not wrong,” Park said with a shrug. “Well, you clearly don’t watch much FAWN or follow her her Facebook or Twitter or --”
“Stalking her on social media would be a creeper move!” Roy protested.
“Because secretly pining for a woman you met once many months ago as a patient is totally normal,” Yoona muttered under her breath. “So did Cam tell you she was single or…?”
“Well, no. I mean she didn’t say she was single, but…” Bausch trailed off as a horrible realization dawned on him and he turned pale. “Oh crap, don’t tell me she has a boyfriend?! Stupid, Roy! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”
He punctuated each ‘stupid’ with an open palmed slap to his own forehead, much to Park’s amusement.
“Good news and bad news, buddy,” Yoona said, once she had seen enough of his self-flagellation. “Good news first: she definitely doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
“Really?!” Roy asked in disbelief. “You’re not just yanking my chain, are you?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you! Trust me, we’ve been… roommates… for almost a year, and Cam’s never brought a dude home.”
“ALRIGHT! ROY’S BACK IN THE GAME!” Bausch shouted as he jumped up and raised both arms in victory.
“There’s bad news, though. You’re not really her type.”
That seemed to greatly deflate the young man’s enthusiasm, and he slumped back down into the couch and meekly asked, “What’s her type?”
“Effeminate Asians,” Park replied, thoughtfully scratching her chin. “Slender and tall, but strong and flexible like a ballerina. Long hair, though beards or mustaches are a no-no. Pretty face with big, dark eyes, and a high, narrow nose. Great smile. Eats pussy like a fucking boss.”
“That’s, uhh, that’s really -- wait, what was that last thing you said?!”
“Great smile.”
“Oh, I thought I heard something else,” Roy mumbled to himself. “But, wow, that’s really, really specific. I don’t think I’ve ever met such a person --”
Yoona stifled a disdainful cough.
“-- and I don’t think any of that describes me. Is there anything I can do?”
“You can try choking her during sex,” Park added blithely, causing Bausch to nearly swallow his own tongue. “Cam puts out on the first date, and she likes the rough stuff. Her safeword is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, by the way.”
“B-b-b-b-but you -- you said s-she didn’t have ---”
“Come on, dude!” Yoona chuckled. “What kind of huge fucking doofus would use supercalifragilisticexpialidocious as a safeword?! Look, Cam’s the most wonderful girl in the world, but sometimes she doesn’t realize that. My -- your job is to just remind her of that simple fact.”
“Oh, umm, okay… I guess…” Bausch said pensively. “Is there anything else that might help?”
“Be super good-looking,” Park added with a sagely nod.
“Well… am I? Super good-looking, that is?”
“I’m the wrong person to ask, bro. I prefer the ladies.”
“Oh! I, uhh, I didn’t realize…” Roy said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s weird, I usually pick up on things like that…”
“Yeah, I’m sure this was a one-time thing and not something that’s ever happened before. Anyway, let’s get going, sir. Your lady awaits.”
The two of them rode the hotel elevator in silence, and Bausch couldn’t help but feel a disconcerting notion that there was something that Yoona was keeping from him. Nevertheless, the young woman had seemed sincere when she said that Camille did not have a boyfriend, and that allayed most of his concerns, even if he didn’t fit Cosworth’s purported type.
“Oh! One more thing! Does -- does she prefer C-Camille or Cammy or…?” Roy blurted out just as Park was fumbling with the keycard to open the door to the hotel suite.
“Her dad calls her Cammy.”
“So… should I not?”
“That depends,” Yoona replied as she turned the knob and opened the door. “Do you want her to call you ‘Daddy?’”
Bausch stumbled over his tongue, and before he could manage a word, Park snatched the bouquet from his arms, and strode into the suite.
“Got this for you, babe!” she said as handed over the flowers and the rest of the blueberry scones, and greeted Camille with a peck on the lips.
CAMILLE COSWORTH
The kiss struck Roy as a little strange, but then again, he reasoned that it was a fairly common way to greet a friend in parts of Europe, and Camille was a name that had its roots in French. With barely a moment’s hesitation, he decided that when in Rome he should do as the Romans do, and he immediately followed up with a quick smooch of his own.
“Good to see you again, Ms. Cos -- Ms. Cam -- uhh -- Cammy -- mile -- Chamomile -- Cam -- Camille.”
“Okay, that was… that was… something, but errr… good to see you too, Dr. Bausch,” Camille replied, still getting over the surprise of the second kiss. “Hey Yoona, why does this bouquet say ‘Sorry for your loss?’ I won my match!”
Park directed a withering glare at the young man, but he was still stuck on cloud nine.
“Sorry we’re late, Cam. We were discussing something very important,” Yoona said before turning to Roy and clapping him on the back. “Let’s hear it, doc. Who’s prettier, me or Cam?”
That brought Bausch crashing back to Earth at terminal velocity and immediately restarted his flop-sweating. His mind scrambled to come up with a diplomatic response and failed, and he was reduced to inelegant, wordless stammering instead.
“We all know who’s prettier,” Cosworth sighed with a roll of her eyes. “Go somewhere else for a bit. I need some alone time with him, it’s… a medical thing.”
“Aww, c’mon Cam!” Park whined. “Something about to happen and it’s going to be SO GOOD!”
“Yoona, I’m serious! Get out of here!”
“God fucking damn it, you’re such a killjoy!” Yoona huffed as she stormed off into the bathroom. “Fine, then! I’m going to have a sexy party in the jacuzzi and you’re not invited!”
Roy’s brain was still struggling to catch up with what was happening when Camille gently took him by the arm, lead him to a seat at a table in front of her laptop, and pulled up a chair to sit at his side.
“Thanks for coming, Dr. Bau --”
“Roy. Please, just call me Roy,” he managed to say with a small, nervous smile.
“Well, thank you very much for coming, Roy. You must be -- umm -- you look really, really hot…”
Bausch’s had to fight back the urge to spring to his feet and do a happy dance. He managed to control himself though, and squeaked out, “You look really hot too.”
“I… I don’t feel hot…”
“Oh, but you are, Camille,” Roy cooed as he laid a clammy hand on her shoulder. “You really, really are…”
Cosworth looked confused and she promptly got out of her seat and walked away, leaving Bausch wondering if he had said the wrong thing and blown his shot. He was in the process of mentally excoriating himself when the brunette came back holding two ice cold cans of soda from the hotel mini-bar. She handed one to the man and cracked open the other one for herself, taking a long draw from the tin and letting out a satisfied sigh at the end.
“So anyway, Roy, I need you to look at some scans of Yoona’s legs,” Camille explained as she brought up the images on her computer. “The files were too big to email, so I had to bring them to you personally. And, umm, don’t tell Yoona please. She didn’t really give me permission to bring these to you, and she might be mad if she found out. Also the reason I couldn’t ask Dr. Sam, I know he’s a stickler for the rules, so uhh… don’t tell him either.”
Looking at CT and MRI scans wasn’t Bausch’s ideal first date, but he was too mesmerized by the brunette to protest, and very eager to impress by showing off his medical expertise. He scrolled through a few series, and though his specialty was not radiology or podiatry, what he recognized was still enough to make his stomach churn.
“That bad?” Camille dejectedly groaned when she noticed the pallor on the doctor’s face.
“These are osteophytes… err… bone spurs in laymen’s English,” Bausch said while using the mouse pointer to gesture on the screen. “Usually bones grow back harder and stronger after an injury, but when the injury and stress is chronic, they start to grow more than they should. That’s how bone spurs happen. She’s got them everywhere… in her ankles, in her feet, even in her toes. They’re tiny, not more than a couple of millimeters at most, but the problem is they grind against her nerves, tendons, and ligaments. And speaking of ligaments…”
Roy switched the images from CT to MRI to get a better view of the soft tissues rather than the bones.
“...her ligaments are all loose and stretched out. It makes her ankles unstable and it lets the bones in her feet shift around more than normal, which only makes the bone spur issue worse.”
Cosworth let out a long sigh and rubbed her temples with one hand. The scans were from Yoona’s physical examination just prior to getting signed to the FAWN main roster, and no professional opinion was offered besides “PASS” which was completely unhelpful when it came to how to alleviate the problem of Park’s old ballet injuries. Up until now she never knew how severe the issue was, and she suspected that Yoona didn’t know either, and Bausch’s assessment hit her like a punch to the gut.
“Roy… is the anything you can do? Or Dr. Sam can do?” she asked tentatively, almost pleading. “Any therapy or… or… surgery?”
“I -- I don’t think so. The bone spurs are everywhere and some of them are already pressing on the nerves. They’d have to take apart the entire foot and rebuild it -- it’s just too risky for any surgeon to try.”
A despairing groan forced its way out of Camille’s lips, and she slouched back in her chair and covered her face with her hands. It was irrational -- and she knew it was irrational -- and yet she couldn’t help but feel like she had somehow failed her beloved girlfriend. She was on the verge of screaming in frustration when she noticed that Roy was crouched down in front of her, gently rubbing her knee in an effort to comfort her.
“Hey… hey, it’s alright,” he gently coaxed. “I know I made it sound really bad, but it looks worse than it actually is! I mean, it’s not like Yoona’s a FAWN wrestler like you, right?”
That got Cosworth’s full attention, and she stared at the man in silent disbelief for ten, fifteen seconds. Then she started chuckling, and the chuckle turned into a giggle, and then the giggle turned into a hysterical guffaw.
“Ah, ha, ha, ha!” Bausch awkwardly pretended to laugh. “I -- I don’t know what we’re laughing about! Ha, ha, ha!”
“Thanks for cheering me up, Roy,” Camille said once she got control of herself. “You’re a really good friend.”
Roy felt a sharp pang of pain, as if he had just gotten stabbed in the chest with a trocar.
“I -- I -- I was h-hoping I was something m-m-more than that…”
“Oh! Of course you are! Roy, you’re so much more than a good friend.”
Cosworth clasped his hand, and Bausch felt like his heart was about to leap out of his throat…
“You’re a really good doctor, too.”
...only for it to drop to the bottom of his shoe.
“N-No! Camille… w-what I want to say is… is…”
With his words failing him, Roy prayed for divine intervention, a sign from the heavens that would let him express his affections. To his surprise, his prayers were answered -- not by a bolt from the blue or an angelic choir, but by the soft, melodic sounds of a synthetic keyboard accompanied by a sultry siren’s song.
Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
Bausch looked at Camille, and she seemed to be spellbound as well, looking but not seeing as her eyes grew wide.
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Her lips parted slightly and let out a soft breath just as her cheeks started to flush pink, all telltale signs of attraction that did not go unnoticed by her hopeful suitor.
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
“Oh God,” Roy said to himself. “Oh God Oh God Oh God… this is happening! This is really happening!”
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say
“Camm… Camille, you… you…”
“Take my breath away,” Camille silently mouthed in rhythm with the music.
“You hear it too! Oh, be still my beating heart!” Bausch dreamily sighed.
Take my breath away
Cosworth rose from her seat and took Roy by the hand, leading him towards the front door. It when he stood up and turned around that he noticed Yoona standing in the foyer adjacent to the bathroom. The Asian beauty was wearing a schoolgirl’s white dress shirt, a tie, a smile, and nothing else, her hair still damp from her sexy party in the jacuzzi.
Watching I keep waiting
Still anticipating love
Park opened the door behind her then beckoned with a bewitching smile and a crooked finger, and Camille silently glided towards her with Bausch in tow.
Never hesitating
To become the fated ones
“I -- I -- I -- I don’t know what’s happening but I think I like it…” Roy mumbled as Yoona loosened her tie and began unbuttoning her shirt.
Turning and returning
To some secret place to hide
Cosworth placed Bausch’s hand in Park’s, and with a gentle tug and spin, the Korean sent Roy pirouetting out the front door with a euphoric grin on his face.
Watching in slow motion
As you turn to me and say
He came out of his spin just in time to see Camille peel off Yoona’s shirt, leaving her naked backside completely visible, before locking her in a deep French kiss.
“This is the greatest moment of my life,” Roy whispered reverently.
Take my bre --
The door slammed shut, abruptly cutting off the music that had been playing from Park’s phone and leaving Bausch on the other side of the threshold. He stood there for several long moments staring at the door six inches in front of his face, not comprehending what had just happened.
“Camille? Yoona? Guys?” Roy asked, gently rapping his knuckles on the lacquered wooden panels.
His only response was the sound of a deadbolt being turned, and that finally hammered home the reality of the situation.
“Hello darkness, my old friend,” he sighed to himself.
Dr. Roy Bausch was having a very bad day.
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In the aftermath of her muddy brawl with the Technical Marvel, Yoona Park found herself in a bit of a dilemma. The already short list of wrestlers who could tolerate her incessant nattering and trash talk grew even shorter after rumors of that bout spread throughout the locker room. The list of wrestlers who could match her in a submission wrestling contest also grew shorter as she progressively added more and more holds to her arsenal, drawing techniques from grappling disciplines as wide and varied as sambo, jiu-jitsu, and catch wrestling. Pretty soon, the list of wrestlers who simultaneously fit into both categories shrunk to the point that it started with “Olivia” and ended with “Dare.”
And so it was that Yoona and Olivia came to have their weekly, hour-long bouts to see who could score the most technical submissions in the absence of striking, throws, and cattiness. It soon became apparent, however, that Park could never win more than four out of ten falls on a good day. For all of her rubber-limbed wizardry, Yoona’s fragile ankles and feet proved to be too much of a liability against another top tier grappler. She had to put so much effort into ensuring that her feet were never in a vulnerable position that it compromised her defense against submissions targeted elsewhere and also severely restricted the holds that she herself could use.
This bothered Park to no end, and by proxy it bothered Cosworth as well. While Camille’s own ground game was improving -- including scoring the first submission victory of her short career in the first round of the rookie tournament -- it was still an area in which she was a level or two below her girlfriend, which precluded her from offering any real advice on technique. Nevertheless, Cosworth was determined to help however she could, and when an upcoming House Show was scheduled in Jacksonville, she saw a golden opportunity.
With a few phone calls and text messages, Camille got herself added to the card, thereby giving her an excuse to see her old friends at the Mayo Clinic.
---Several days later, Mayo Clinic, Jacksonville, Florida, 6:37 PM---
Dr. Roy Bausch was having a very bad day.
As his skills as a medical professional grew in recent months, so too did his responsibilities and work hours. It was just his rotten luck that he happened to be stuck on the night shift the same night that the object of his unexpressed affections was in town for a FAWN House Show.
While he had only met Camille Cosworth one time many months ago, Roy felt that the chemistry was immediately obvious. Even though his duties at the Mayo Clinic kept him far too busy to attend a show in Orlando, or even to really keep up with latest developments in FAWN in any regard, the pretty brunette with cute dimples and washboard abs was never far from his thoughts. Evidently, he was never far from Cosworth’s thoughts either, judging by the personal invitation to attend the show. With it being so close to Valentine’s Day it would have been the perfect time to rekindle that initial spark and stoke the fires of passion, but alas, it was not to be.
Cursing both the Old Gods and the New, Roy sent off a text message…
Working all night, can’t make it
...followed by a string of sad-face emojis.
A few seconds later, there was a reply.
Swing by the hotel in the morning? It’s something really important
The young intern’s fingers had typed out and sent YES before he even finished reading the previous message.
---The next morning, Mayo Clinic, Jacksonville, Florida, 7:40 AM---
Dr. Roy Bausch was having a very good day.
ROY BAUSCH
Despite not sleeping a wink the night before, he was feeling like a million bucks. After morning hand-off to the day team, he took a shower in the staff locker room and changed into a spare dress shirt with only a moderate amount of coffee stains. He stopped by the hospital gift shop and was in the process of picking out a bouquet of flowers when his phone chimed with a new text message from Camille.
Yoona went to get food, she’ll pick you up along the way
The name sounded familiar to Bausch, but he couldn’t quite remember the details. Pulling out his phone, he browsed through Cosworth’s Instagram account to try to put a face to the name. Mostly it was just shot after shot of Starbucks lattes with various artistic filters applied, but there was one young Asian woman who regularly appeared in the pictures. Using his deductive powers, Roy surmised that this must be Yoona, and that Yoona must be Camille’s roommate.
“Alright!” Bausch said to himself with a fist pump. “Everything’s comin’ up Roy!”
He figured that this was the perfect opportunity to endear himself to Cosworth’s friend and perhaps even get some valuable information. If he could do that, then that would go a long way towards wooing his would-be paramour. Brimming with confidence, he added a pair of imitation Ray Ban aviator sunglasses to his bouquet and made his purchase.
“I feel the need…” Roy said to himself as he dramatically put on his new shades and his headphones, and set his phone to play Highway to the Danger Zone at maximum volume, somehow neglecting to plug the headphone jack into the audio port. “...The need for SPEED!”
Bausch strutted out of the gift shop, snapping his fingers and bobbing his head to the beat while lip-syncing along with Kenny Loggins, still oblivious to both the stares he was getting and the fact that his music was blaring for everyone to hear. Somewhere in the main lobby, he swaggered past Samuel Shem, the director of sports medicine at the Mayo Clinic, Roy’s direct superior, and personal friend of the entire Cosworth family.
SAMUEL SHEM
“Bausch! What the bloody hell are you --”
“Can’t hear you, sir!” Roy interrupted, pointing at his unconnected headphones. “I’m in the zone… the DANGER ZONE!”
Not paying the exasperated senior doctor any mind, Bausch strolled out of the building and into the patient drop-off area, unshakable in his conviction that he would soon win Camille’s heart.
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:03 AM---
Roy sat in the hotel lobby, shaking uncontrollably.
The ride over from the hospital, courtesy of Yoona and her demon car Eleanor, had been the most terrifying seven minutes of his life. His plan to chat up the Korean beauty had been foiled when he spent the entire duration of the trip shrieking in terror while trying not to void himself, and when they had merged across three highway lanes without signaling and drifted sideways down an exit ramp, Bausch saw his entire life flash before his eyes.
YOONA PARK
“Has your flop-sweating stopped?” Yoona asked nonchalantly through a mouthful of blueberry scone as she sat on a couch across from the young doctor.
“A-a-a-almost,” came the stammering reply. “You… you drive… k-k-kinda fast. Too f-fast… I-I-I’m pretty… pretty sure the s-speed limit is n-n-not...”
“I was under the speed limit!” Park snorted. “Eleanor’s an imported car, so you have to convert from miles-per-hour to Celsius!”
“That.. that doesn’t many any sense!”
“Your face doesn’t make any sense!” Yoona snapped. “I figured anyone blasting the theme to Top Gun would appreciate my driving skills!!”
“It’s just… just, uhh, my p-pump… pump up music,” Roy stuttered. “Before a date.”
“A date? Well, that explains the bouquet,” Park scoffed sarcastically. “Who’s the lucky girl?”
“Your roommate.”
“My room -- ?”
Yoona suddenly froze in place sentence, her mouth hanging slightly agape as crumbs of scone fell from her lips. Her eyes were locked in a thousand yard stare, looking through Bausch rather than at him. Then slowly, millimeter by millimeter, the corners of her mouth started curling upwards into a wide, leering smile, even as the rest of her face remained expressionless. Roy thought that she looked like a cat who had eaten a particularly delicious canary.
And then just as suddenly as she had frozen, Park burst into hysterics, spewing bits of her half-chewed pastry all over Bausch.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH, FUCK! OOOOHHH, FUCK! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:09 AM---
“GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH SHIT! OH SHIT, OH SHIT, I CAN’T BREATHE! HAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
Roy was beginning to feel self-conscious.
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:13 AM---
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH, YOU MAGNIFICENT, DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!” Park jubilantly shouted as she painfully pinched both of Bausch’s cheeks. “KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
Roy was beginning to feel very self-conscious indeed, but at least his terror-shakes had stopped.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- !”
---Hyatt Regency Hotel, Jacksonville, Florida, 8:17 AM---
“HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaa -- aaaa -- ahem ahem. Okay, okay, I’m done now. Tell me more about your plan to romance Cam,” Yoona said calmly after a deep breath. “This intrigues me and I wish to know more.”
“I was, umm, hoping that y-you could help with that. Since you know -- since you know her so well…” Bausch sheepishly replied.
“And you think she and I are....?”
“Roommates?”
“That’s… technically not wrong,” Park said with a shrug. “Well, you clearly don’t watch much FAWN or follow her her Facebook or Twitter or --”
“Stalking her on social media would be a creeper move!” Roy protested.
“Because secretly pining for a woman you met once many months ago as a patient is totally normal,” Yoona muttered under her breath. “So did Cam tell you she was single or…?”
“Well, no. I mean she didn’t say she was single, but…” Bausch trailed off as a horrible realization dawned on him and he turned pale. “Oh crap, don’t tell me she has a boyfriend?! Stupid, Roy! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”
He punctuated each ‘stupid’ with an open palmed slap to his own forehead, much to Park’s amusement.
“Good news and bad news, buddy,” Yoona said, once she had seen enough of his self-flagellation. “Good news first: she definitely doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
“Really?!” Roy asked in disbelief. “You’re not just yanking my chain, are you?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you! Trust me, we’ve been… roommates… for almost a year, and Cam’s never brought a dude home.”
“ALRIGHT! ROY’S BACK IN THE GAME!” Bausch shouted as he jumped up and raised both arms in victory.
“There’s bad news, though. You’re not really her type.”
That seemed to greatly deflate the young man’s enthusiasm, and he slumped back down into the couch and meekly asked, “What’s her type?”
“Effeminate Asians,” Park replied, thoughtfully scratching her chin. “Slender and tall, but strong and flexible like a ballerina. Long hair, though beards or mustaches are a no-no. Pretty face with big, dark eyes, and a high, narrow nose. Great smile. Eats pussy like a fucking boss.”
“That’s, uhh, that’s really -- wait, what was that last thing you said?!”
“Great smile.”
“Oh, I thought I heard something else,” Roy mumbled to himself. “But, wow, that’s really, really specific. I don’t think I’ve ever met such a person --”
Yoona stifled a disdainful cough.
“-- and I don’t think any of that describes me. Is there anything I can do?”
“You can try choking her during sex,” Park added blithely, causing Bausch to nearly swallow his own tongue. “Cam puts out on the first date, and she likes the rough stuff. Her safeword is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, by the way.”
“B-b-b-b-but you -- you said s-she didn’t have ---”
“Come on, dude!” Yoona chuckled. “What kind of huge fucking doofus would use supercalifragilisticexpialidocious as a safeword?! Look, Cam’s the most wonderful girl in the world, but sometimes she doesn’t realize that. My -- your job is to just remind her of that simple fact.”
“Oh, umm, okay… I guess…” Bausch said pensively. “Is there anything else that might help?”
“Be super good-looking,” Park added with a sagely nod.
“Well… am I? Super good-looking, that is?”
“I’m the wrong person to ask, bro. I prefer the ladies.”
“Oh! I, uhh, I didn’t realize…” Roy said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s weird, I usually pick up on things like that…”
“Yeah, I’m sure this was a one-time thing and not something that’s ever happened before. Anyway, let’s get going, sir. Your lady awaits.”
The two of them rode the hotel elevator in silence, and Bausch couldn’t help but feel a disconcerting notion that there was something that Yoona was keeping from him. Nevertheless, the young woman had seemed sincere when she said that Camille did not have a boyfriend, and that allayed most of his concerns, even if he didn’t fit Cosworth’s purported type.
“Oh! One more thing! Does -- does she prefer C-Camille or Cammy or…?” Roy blurted out just as Park was fumbling with the keycard to open the door to the hotel suite.
“Her dad calls her Cammy.”
“So… should I not?”
“That depends,” Yoona replied as she turned the knob and opened the door. “Do you want her to call you ‘Daddy?’”
Bausch stumbled over his tongue, and before he could manage a word, Park snatched the bouquet from his arms, and strode into the suite.
“Got this for you, babe!” she said as handed over the flowers and the rest of the blueberry scones, and greeted Camille with a peck on the lips.
CAMILLE COSWORTH
The kiss struck Roy as a little strange, but then again, he reasoned that it was a fairly common way to greet a friend in parts of Europe, and Camille was a name that had its roots in French. With barely a moment’s hesitation, he decided that when in Rome he should do as the Romans do, and he immediately followed up with a quick smooch of his own.
“Good to see you again, Ms. Cos -- Ms. Cam -- uhh -- Cammy -- mile -- Chamomile -- Cam -- Camille.”
“Okay, that was… that was… something, but errr… good to see you too, Dr. Bausch,” Camille replied, still getting over the surprise of the second kiss. “Hey Yoona, why does this bouquet say ‘Sorry for your loss?’ I won my match!”
Park directed a withering glare at the young man, but he was still stuck on cloud nine.
“Sorry we’re late, Cam. We were discussing something very important,” Yoona said before turning to Roy and clapping him on the back. “Let’s hear it, doc. Who’s prettier, me or Cam?”
That brought Bausch crashing back to Earth at terminal velocity and immediately restarted his flop-sweating. His mind scrambled to come up with a diplomatic response and failed, and he was reduced to inelegant, wordless stammering instead.
“We all know who’s prettier,” Cosworth sighed with a roll of her eyes. “Go somewhere else for a bit. I need some alone time with him, it’s… a medical thing.”
“Aww, c’mon Cam!” Park whined. “Something about to happen and it’s going to be SO GOOD!”
“Yoona, I’m serious! Get out of here!”
“God fucking damn it, you’re such a killjoy!” Yoona huffed as she stormed off into the bathroom. “Fine, then! I’m going to have a sexy party in the jacuzzi and you’re not invited!”
Roy’s brain was still struggling to catch up with what was happening when Camille gently took him by the arm, lead him to a seat at a table in front of her laptop, and pulled up a chair to sit at his side.
“Thanks for coming, Dr. Bau --”
“Roy. Please, just call me Roy,” he managed to say with a small, nervous smile.
“Well, thank you very much for coming, Roy. You must be -- umm -- you look really, really hot…”
Bausch’s had to fight back the urge to spring to his feet and do a happy dance. He managed to control himself though, and squeaked out, “You look really hot too.”
“I… I don’t feel hot…”
“Oh, but you are, Camille,” Roy cooed as he laid a clammy hand on her shoulder. “You really, really are…”
Cosworth looked confused and she promptly got out of her seat and walked away, leaving Bausch wondering if he had said the wrong thing and blown his shot. He was in the process of mentally excoriating himself when the brunette came back holding two ice cold cans of soda from the hotel mini-bar. She handed one to the man and cracked open the other one for herself, taking a long draw from the tin and letting out a satisfied sigh at the end.
“So anyway, Roy, I need you to look at some scans of Yoona’s legs,” Camille explained as she brought up the images on her computer. “The files were too big to email, so I had to bring them to you personally. And, umm, don’t tell Yoona please. She didn’t really give me permission to bring these to you, and she might be mad if she found out. Also the reason I couldn’t ask Dr. Sam, I know he’s a stickler for the rules, so uhh… don’t tell him either.”
Looking at CT and MRI scans wasn’t Bausch’s ideal first date, but he was too mesmerized by the brunette to protest, and very eager to impress by showing off his medical expertise. He scrolled through a few series, and though his specialty was not radiology or podiatry, what he recognized was still enough to make his stomach churn.
“That bad?” Camille dejectedly groaned when she noticed the pallor on the doctor’s face.
“These are osteophytes… err… bone spurs in laymen’s English,” Bausch said while using the mouse pointer to gesture on the screen. “Usually bones grow back harder and stronger after an injury, but when the injury and stress is chronic, they start to grow more than they should. That’s how bone spurs happen. She’s got them everywhere… in her ankles, in her feet, even in her toes. They’re tiny, not more than a couple of millimeters at most, but the problem is they grind against her nerves, tendons, and ligaments. And speaking of ligaments…”
Roy switched the images from CT to MRI to get a better view of the soft tissues rather than the bones.
“...her ligaments are all loose and stretched out. It makes her ankles unstable and it lets the bones in her feet shift around more than normal, which only makes the bone spur issue worse.”
Cosworth let out a long sigh and rubbed her temples with one hand. The scans were from Yoona’s physical examination just prior to getting signed to the FAWN main roster, and no professional opinion was offered besides “PASS” which was completely unhelpful when it came to how to alleviate the problem of Park’s old ballet injuries. Up until now she never knew how severe the issue was, and she suspected that Yoona didn’t know either, and Bausch’s assessment hit her like a punch to the gut.
“Roy… is the anything you can do? Or Dr. Sam can do?” she asked tentatively, almost pleading. “Any therapy or… or… surgery?”
“I -- I don’t think so. The bone spurs are everywhere and some of them are already pressing on the nerves. They’d have to take apart the entire foot and rebuild it -- it’s just too risky for any surgeon to try.”
A despairing groan forced its way out of Camille’s lips, and she slouched back in her chair and covered her face with her hands. It was irrational -- and she knew it was irrational -- and yet she couldn’t help but feel like she had somehow failed her beloved girlfriend. She was on the verge of screaming in frustration when she noticed that Roy was crouched down in front of her, gently rubbing her knee in an effort to comfort her.
“Hey… hey, it’s alright,” he gently coaxed. “I know I made it sound really bad, but it looks worse than it actually is! I mean, it’s not like Yoona’s a FAWN wrestler like you, right?”
That got Cosworth’s full attention, and she stared at the man in silent disbelief for ten, fifteen seconds. Then she started chuckling, and the chuckle turned into a giggle, and then the giggle turned into a hysterical guffaw.
“Ah, ha, ha, ha!” Bausch awkwardly pretended to laugh. “I -- I don’t know what we’re laughing about! Ha, ha, ha!”
“Thanks for cheering me up, Roy,” Camille said once she got control of herself. “You’re a really good friend.”
Roy felt a sharp pang of pain, as if he had just gotten stabbed in the chest with a trocar.
“I -- I -- I was h-hoping I was something m-m-more than that…”
“Oh! Of course you are! Roy, you’re so much more than a good friend.”
Cosworth clasped his hand, and Bausch felt like his heart was about to leap out of his throat…
“You’re a really good doctor, too.”
...only for it to drop to the bottom of his shoe.
“N-No! Camille… w-what I want to say is… is…”
With his words failing him, Roy prayed for divine intervention, a sign from the heavens that would let him express his affections. To his surprise, his prayers were answered -- not by a bolt from the blue or an angelic choir, but by the soft, melodic sounds of a synthetic keyboard accompanied by a sultry siren’s song.
Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
Bausch looked at Camille, and she seemed to be spellbound as well, looking but not seeing as her eyes grew wide.
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Her lips parted slightly and let out a soft breath just as her cheeks started to flush pink, all telltale signs of attraction that did not go unnoticed by her hopeful suitor.
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
“Oh God,” Roy said to himself. “Oh God Oh God Oh God… this is happening! This is really happening!”
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say
“Camm… Camille, you… you…”
“Take my breath away,” Camille silently mouthed in rhythm with the music.
“You hear it too! Oh, be still my beating heart!” Bausch dreamily sighed.
Take my breath away
Cosworth rose from her seat and took Roy by the hand, leading him towards the front door. It when he stood up and turned around that he noticed Yoona standing in the foyer adjacent to the bathroom. The Asian beauty was wearing a schoolgirl’s white dress shirt, a tie, a smile, and nothing else, her hair still damp from her sexy party in the jacuzzi.
Watching I keep waiting
Still anticipating love
Park opened the door behind her then beckoned with a bewitching smile and a crooked finger, and Camille silently glided towards her with Bausch in tow.
Never hesitating
To become the fated ones
“I -- I -- I -- I don’t know what’s happening but I think I like it…” Roy mumbled as Yoona loosened her tie and began unbuttoning her shirt.
Turning and returning
To some secret place to hide
Cosworth placed Bausch’s hand in Park’s, and with a gentle tug and spin, the Korean sent Roy pirouetting out the front door with a euphoric grin on his face.
Watching in slow motion
As you turn to me and say
He came out of his spin just in time to see Camille peel off Yoona’s shirt, leaving her naked backside completely visible, before locking her in a deep French kiss.
“This is the greatest moment of my life,” Roy whispered reverently.
Take my bre --
The door slammed shut, abruptly cutting off the music that had been playing from Park’s phone and leaving Bausch on the other side of the threshold. He stood there for several long moments staring at the door six inches in front of his face, not comprehending what had just happened.
“Camille? Yoona? Guys?” Roy asked, gently rapping his knuckles on the lacquered wooden panels.
His only response was the sound of a deadbolt being turned, and that finally hammered home the reality of the situation.
“Hello darkness, my old friend,” he sighed to himself.
Dr. Roy Bausch was having a very bad day.