Post by hawkeye on May 3, 2021 23:07:03 GMT
PAPER PLANES - M.I.A.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewRjZoRtu0Y
’Paper Planes’ by M.I.A. heralds the entrance of King Maria Alves, judoka extraordinaire and newly crowned Lightweight Champion. Maria steps through the curtains at the top of the entrance ramp, dressed in a white gi and black belt, albeit much more form fitting than regulation typically allowed. Unlike her standard judo-wear, Alves continues to go without pants for her professional wrestling matches at the behest of the marketing and wardrobe departments, bare below the hips save for a pair of black bikini bottoms to preserve her modesty. A gilded scepter in her hand and a diamond encrusted coronet atop her head remind her audience of Maria’s royal status while the Lightweight title strap lays across her left shoulder, the judoka electing not to wear it around her waist so as to not obscure the other belt that served as a testament to her prodigious skills.
MARIA ALVES
“ON HER WAY TO THE RING… AT FIVE FOOT FOUR AND ONE HUNDRED SIXTEEN POUNDS… SHE IS YOUR LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION… YOUR HIGHNESS… KING MARIAAAA AAAAAALLLVVEESSSSSS!” the ring announcer quickly improvises an introduction, lest he draw the King’s ire for not providing a suitably regal welcome.
Accompanying the king are a quartet of towering Amazons dressed in the manner of Roman legionnaires -- each armored in a bronze-plated cuirass, pleated skirt, leatherbound sandals, and knee-high greaves while carrying a spear in one hand and a shield in the other. The members of the kingsguard flank their master on four corners as she calmly pads down the entrance ramp on her bare feet, occasionally bobbing her head to the beat of her music. Maria and her entourage claim the center of the squared circle, then one of her loyal ‘eunuchs’ produces a microphone and hands it to the king.
“Greetings and salutations, humble peasants, and rejoice, for you are graced by my regal presence! Huzzah!” Maria speaks to a mostly silent arena, though the stoic reception doesn’t seem to dampen her spirits.
A second eunuch presents a scroll and unfurls it for her king to read.
“As king, it is my duty and divine right to conquer and enslave foreign lands and peoples,” Alves says into the microphone to confused murmurs from the FAWNatics, “and the first territory to be subjugated shall be none other than the Fellatio Ranch!”
Right on cue, the collective audience responds, “WHAAAAAAAT.”
The kingsguard seem puzzled as well, and they exchange uncomfortable glances with each other for a moment before one finally speaks up.
“Pardon me, Your Grace, I believe that it is called the BJ Ranch,” a guard whispers to Maria.
“That is what I said, eunuch number Jan,” Alves replies. “Our first conquest shall be the Fellatio Ranch!”
Once more the FAWNatics chant, “WHAAAAAAAT.”
Visibly baffled by her king’s eccentricities, Jan stammers wordlessly for a moment before she collects herself and says, “Your Grace, the ‘BJ’ does not refer to… I mean… Beth Jenkins… the ‘BJ’ is her name…”
It’s apparently Maria’s turn to be confused as she blankly stares at her kingsguard for a few seconds before finally asking, “The ranch shares a name with its lord? Are you certain of this?”
The other four women wordlessly exchange another round of glances at each other, then they nod in agreement.
“That is a very peculiar name…” the judoka mutters to herself as she scratches the back of her head with the bejeweled head of her scepter, then she raises the microphone to her lips once more and announces, “COME FORTH, FELLATIO JENKINS --”
“WHAAAAAAAT.”
“-- AND CEDE YOUR RANCH TO ITS RIGHTFUL RULER!” Maria continues without missing a beat. “IF YOUR SURRENDER IS SWIFT AND PEACEFUL, I SHALL GRANT YOU THE MERCY OF A SLOW AND PAINFUL EXECUTION!”
“WHAAAAAAAT.”
The redheaded rancher, having lassoed what some considered a surprising title opportunity, waits on the balls of her feet behind the curtain, watching a monitor in slack-jawed wonder at the new champion’s…irregular behavior. Apparently, the former talk show host had joined so many on the roster in overdosing on crazy pills.
But Jenkins seems less than concerned about the silliness. If the ref kept her foe’s towering servants out of the action, the wackier this whack job was, the easier it would be to become light champ for the second time.
The back of each FAWNatic straightens when “Wildflower” by JaneDear Girls reverberates through the bowl, the crowd understanding the freckled fighter is a threat to place her ‘BJ’ brand on the sub-125 population, even if only figuratively, her demolished ink gun ‘branding iron’ out of commission.
( www.youtube.com/watch?v=NC0IhlquYlI )
Bareback Beth emerges in full Western regalia, her greeting less than welcoming.
BETH JENKINS
Jenkins is clad in the flag of the Grand Canyon State patterned on her vest—small enough to leave a sliver of midsection bare—blue spandex, boy-cut trunks and tan leather chaps below. Her feet are adorned in a pair of battered old cowboy boots, spurs clicking against the floor as she saunters down the aisle. A coiled lasso is attached to her hip. Sitting atop her head is a black cowboy hat with a curved brim.
Having been bested by Macy Renquist in her attempt to recover the lightweight title the previous summer and knowing this woman triumphed over the Slappin’ Sensation only last month, it’s clear Jenkins still does not lack for confidence.
Beth ignores the jeers and catcalls from the crowd, the Pale Rider striding to the squared circle without hesitation, the redhead looking as though she’s headed down Main Street of old Tombstone at high noon. She remains out of the reach of those extending for a handshake or high-five, the rabble not worthy of her time, the champ and challenger sharing something in common.
On the way, the ring announcer takes his chance as Beth’s music fades.
“And her opponent…hailing from Tombstone, Arizona, standing 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighing in at 120 pounds…BAREBACK BETH JENKINS!”
As the Arizonan reaches the ring, she continues past the steps to the announcer’s table.
Beth turns in her spurs, lasso and ten-gallon for a microphone. Jenkins raises the stick to her rosy lips as she walks back to the steps, strides up, and slips through the ropes, glancing at the so-called King.
“Just what we needed,” Beth interjects. “More horseshit royalty.”
Jenkins remains in the corner closest to the steps with Maria’s flunkies populating the ring.
“Sweetheart. You’ll have to ask your string bean stooges for fellatio. I may not be able to put the blue ‘BJ’ brand on you any longer, but I can still damn well make you one of my herd and put the gold where it belongs.”
The mob boos lustily as Bareback hands the microphone to Nick Castle, who in turn reaches through the ropes and places it in the palm of a FAWN attendant. The organization’s lead official motions for Maria’s Kingsguard to exit and, with the last one removed from the squared circle, he calls for the bell.
As is her custom, Maria steps forward and greets the newly-arrived challenger with a stiff, formal bow and says, “Greetings and salutations, Fellatio Jen -- HRRK!”
Beth’s response is far less courteous, and the cowgirl surges forward with a Double Axe Handle Smash to the back of the judoka’s bowed head. The stunning cheapshot sends the Lightweight champion crashing face first into the canvas, allowing Jenkins to mount her back and throw punch after punch at the base of her skull. King Maria still retains the presence of mind to cover up with her arms, however, and after the initial barrage of blows Beth decides to try something else.
A swift boot to the ribs rolls Alves onto her back, then Beth grabs the lapels of her gi and hauls her up onto wobbly legs. Switching her grips to Maria’s left sleeve, Jenkins gives a forceful yank to send her foe stumbling towards the far corner. Alves pivots in time to take the collision against the turnbuckles on her back rather than her chest, though the impact still knocks the wind out of her and forces her to drop to a seat.
Beth’s ruby lips stretch into a smirk when she sees that Maria’s bronco is primed for a busting. She takes just a moment to line up her approach, then she breaks into a sprint towards her opponent. Just before Jenkins can leap off her feet, however, Maria regains enough awareness to roll to one side to get clear of what would have been Beth’s flight path had the cowgirl not slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop.
“Nuh-uh, nutbar,” Beth snorts as she walks the rest of the way and drags Maria upright by the sleeve once again. “You ain’t shaking me that easy.”
Jenkins tries to whip the judoka to the opposite corner, but this time Alves latches onto her wrist midway. Maria’s bare toes find purchase against the canvas after a couple of steps, and with a quick pivot, she reverses the momentum of the Irish Whip with all the effortless deft and grace expected of a black belt judo prodigy. Suddenly rocketing towards the turnbuckles at a far greater speed than she had sent her opponent, Beth doesn’t have the time to turn and brace for impact, so instead she smashes her breasts against the top buckle with a yelp.
The Arizonan cowgirl bounces and backpedals towards the center of the ring, hissing and groaning with arms protectively swaddled around her chest. Jenkins stumbles backwards directly into the grasps of the judoka, who quickly wraps both arms around her waist in a snug Rear Waistlock. Fortunately for Beth, her veteran instincts kick in and she twines one leg around Maria’s just in time to short-circuit the German Suplex that was surely imminent.
With her attempt to lift the challenger off the mat foiled, Alves shows some adaptability and savvy of her own by lunging forward with Jenkins still in her arms. Doing so propels Beth chest-first into the corner turnbuckles for the second time in five seconds, drawing another squawk of displeasure from the strawberry blonde and breaking both her concentration and the grapevine she had around Maria’s right shin.
Now with both legs free, Alves rolls with the recoil by dropping to a seat and tumbling backwards over one shoulder. She drags the challenger along for the dizzying ride, both champion and challenger going head over heels before regaining their feet near the middle of the squared circle. Her arms still locked tight around her now discombobulated opponent, Maria dips her knees, pops her hips, and arches her back in single smooth, explosive movement to send Beth up, over, and down into the thinly-sheathed plywood.
ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv9wUjBKXSQ
Despite their enmity for the Pale Rider, the FAWNatics oooh with sympathetic pain at the catastrophic conclusion to King Maria’s Rolling German Suplex. Instead of holding the bridge for a pin, Alves releases her grips and clambers upright, then she flexes her shoulders and rolls her neck a couple of times to get the stiffness out before giving the devastated challenger another bow.
“Greetings and salutations, Fellatio Jenkins,” Maria welcomes her challenger once more now that she’s in no danger of being interrupted again.
Formalities out of the way, Alves nonchalantly lays across the chest of the battered cowgirl and wordlessly gestures for the referee to do his duty. Nick Castle heroically resists the urge to express his exasperation with a roll of his eyes or a sigh of his breath, and instead stoically drops down to the canvas to pound out…
ONE!
TWO!
...before Jenkins punches her right arm into the air and up off the mat to keep her championship dreams alive for a little longer.
Beth quickly comes to regret her decision, however, as the judoka immediately snares her raised arm and pivots about to transition from pin to submission in the blink of an eye. Lying perpendicular to Jenkins with the captured limb between her thighs, Maria bridges her hips while pulling back on the wrist to target the elbow with a Jujigatame Armbar.
JUJIGATAME ARMBAR:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TC1LDwaIyE
The sudden burst of pain dispels the concussive haze clouding her senses, and Beth shrieks bloody murder as she feels her arm bending backwards. The scream is still echoing in Jenkin’s throat when Castle crouches down next to her and offers her a chance to surrender, FAWN’s most senior official knowing how dangerous and debilitating the judoka could be. Rather than shouting her submission, however, the cowgirl simply puts her pearly whites to work and bites down on Maria’s exposed calf.
Alves gives a pained, indignant squeal as she rolls away, both freeing Beth’s arm from her clutches and freeing her leg from Beth’s chompers. King Maria retreats to the edge of the ring and inspects the fresh bite marks on her calf, her olive skin bruised but unbroken by the challenger’s teeth. Meanwhile, Jenkins hisses and grimaces as she flexes her wounded wing, all the while ignoring the official’s reprimands for her unsporting tactic.
“Your techniques are as distasteful as your name, Fellatio Jenkins,” Maria chides from a few feet away, evidently sharing a similarly low opinion of her challenger’s escape plan.
Beth starts to snap back, but whatever she’s saying is interrupted by an agonized screech when Alves strides over, grabs her right arm again, and roughly yanks her up to boot leather. Jenkins isn’t vertical for long, as the judoka promptly brings her arm down hard across a shoulder, using the joint as a fulcrum to flip the cowgirl to the mat once more with a textbook Judo Toss.
Not satisfied with ippon, Maria hangs on to her opponent’s wrist and starts to drag the beleaguered blonde up for a second and third helping. In controlling Beth’s right arm, however, Alves neglects to account for the left, and Jenkins promptly makes her pay dearly with a savage Uppercut that splits her thighs and pulverizes her groin.
King Maria’s eyes nearly pop from their sockets while a tortured croak forces its way from her lips, then she sinks to her knees with both hands clasped between her legs before finally collapsing to one side. Having turned the tables in the blink of an eye and with her foe curled up into a fetal ball, Beth slowly rises to her feet and stands imperiously over the waylaid royal.
“Oh. I’m sorry,” Bareback grunts between waves of discomfort brought on by rolling the shoulder of her aching wing. “Were you expecting a tongue?”
The redhead pats Maria’s noggin then wraps her right arm around the head of the judoka. She swings her left leg forward then back, sending her body to the mat with the pendulum-like movement of her lower limb. Beth’s Kneeling DDT SPIKES Maria’s skull into the canvas, the impact bouncing the dazed Alves back to her haunches before she timbers to a hip and shoulder.
Kneeling DDT ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mhnw-GhYKQ )
Jenkins motions to Castle to follow her down to the canvas and the former rodeo queen spreads Maria out like baked beans on toast, pressing her freckled frame tight in a lateral press on the splayed Alves for the…
ONE…
TWO…
The King shoves a shoulder off the canvas, rolling to her side, denying an early transfer of sub-125 power to Bareback. Jenkins gives a foul glance at Nick, shaking her head accusingly. Beth grabs a wrist and draws Maria up with her as she rises.
“It’s time to get this division back to wrestling, not whatever you and that slap-happy Macy do.”
Jenkins leans her foe into the cables and heaves Alves off with an Irish Whip, Maria’s gi fluttering as she sprints to the far strands and u-turns out of the rubber-coated steel. Beth puts a quick end to her foe’s return journey as she spins into a vicious discus clothesline that nearly removes Maria’s head from her body.
Discus Clothesline ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6cKYmPagXI ) 00:20
The owner of the BJ ranch turns Alves inside out with the scythe-like attack, the judoka sent backflipping to the canvas, the back of her skull cracking against the canvas before the dark-haired champion tumbles over to her chest.
Beth turns her attention to the crowd over the face-down and waylaid majesty.
“I ain’t no king,” Jenkins shouts to the front rows, pointing at the fallen royalty. “I’m just a simple cowgirl…that not one of you could ever come close enough to touch. Pond scum.”
Ripped out of their momentary fevered wishes, the FAWNatics jeer the chuckling redhead. Their aversion to Bareback only grows more pronunced when Maria pushes to hands and knees only to have Beth stomp a mudhole out of the tawny-skinned titleholder, leaving Alves a puddled mess after Jenkins hands out a heaping helping of Arizona boot leather.
Beth turns her attention back to the champ, clamping onto a wrist and a handful of dark locks and ripping the battered Alves to her feet, Maria’s tanned stems rubbery from the cowgirl’s abuse.
Jenkins aims the wobbling judoka toward the far corner and heaves Maria on her way, Alves finding her senses in time to turn and collide with the buckles back-first. The collision rocks the King, but her highness keeps her bare feet under her this time, much to the displeasure of the Pale Rider.
“You just don’t know when it’s time to get busted,” Beth complains bitterly before charging the cornered Alves.
As Jenkins closes the gap on her way to an avalanche splash, Maria places her arms on the top rope on either side and leans back, shooting her legs forward and CRACKING the soles of her feet into the chin of the advancing Arizonan. Beth spins and staggers several feet away, stepping in fencepost holes before shaking out the cobwebs.
The redhead turns and charges once more, but Maria gets her legs up again. This time the judoka’s gams surround the neck of the freckled fighter. She gracefully hand-walks the top cable a few feet from the corner and throws her body away from the strands. Tumbling through the air, Maria’s tight scissors forces Beth along for an unwanted ride and the redhead’s flipped halfway across the ring from the headscissors takedown.
Headscissors takedown ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrJMvSkuw_Y ) 00:08
Jenkins uses the momentum from her landing to roll to vertical. Grimacing, she ignores the pain in her spinal column as best she can, spins, and charges the lightweight champ with a right-armed lariat drawn. Maria deftly ducks under the swing and miss. She wraps her arms around the chest of the redhead and vaults a wide-eyed Jenkins up and over, pivoting into a uranage that sends Bareback THUMPING into the canvas.
Uranage ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrJMvSkuw_Y )
Beth lands on her neck and shoulders in gruesome fashion, her freckled frame adding mass to the awkward landing. She flops over to hands and knees, showing enough grit not to end flat to the mat but too shellshocked to rise from all fours.
Her stationary condition isn’t a problem for the judoka who ‘helps’ the wavering redhead to her feet. Standing beside her foe, she laces her right leg around Beth’s left, while wrapping her near arm around the back of the cowgirl’s neck. Leaning forward, she throws her body to the canvas in the opposite direction, PLANTING Jenkins’ vertebrae to the thinly-sheathed plywood.
Side Russian Legsweep ( www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=sYknjY1T7CQ%C2%A0 )
With Beth’s baby blues glassy and staring blankly at the rafters, the King rolls to a cross body, hooking Bareback’s far leg with both hands and capturing her in a pinning predicament for the...
ONE…
TWO…
The ornery Arizonan twists a shoulder off the canvas, unwilling to let the opportunity to become the class of her weight class a second time go to waste.
Maria instantly has other ideas, dropping to her taut backside at her foe’s head. Alves snatches both wrists of the challenger, pulling them behind and yanking the redhead to a seated position between her parted legs. With Beth’s freckled stems extended, Maria uses her foe’s arms like handlebars, roughly controlling her rival. Lifting her own sinewy lower limbs, the judoka crosses her ankles behind Beth’s neck and brutally pushes her legs forward, forcing Jenkins’ chin into her cleavage with a Lotus Lock.
Lotus Lock ( www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=S6RDDVobul8%C2%A0 )
“You may ask Miss Fellatio,” Alves allows. And Castle indeed checks to see if the taffy-pulled redhead wants to give up her chance at glory.
Unable to shake her head, a mewling Beth offers an unconvincing ‘no’. It’s enough for Maria to believe. She unhooks her ankles, draws her right leg back and swings a hammer-like heel into the crown of the cowgirl. Beth’s azure eyes cross and she flops to a shoulder deep in a stupor as Maria pushes to her feet and hovers.
Far from done, the judoka, latches onto Beth’s left ankle and rolls the weakly squirming Jenkins to her chest. Wrapping an arm around the tenderized joint and locking it around its compatriot, Maria works an ankle lock like a part-time job. Beth howls back to life, squealing when Alves gets enthusiastic with the grip.
Ankle Lock ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-gztkUKImk )
The King does her best to unscrew the cowgirl’s foot, but Beth’s sturdy leather boot provides some measure of protection, and Maria’s slender frame does not have enough mass as an anchor. Scampering forward on both hands and one leg, Jenkins lunges for the bottom rope and manages to hook an arm over the lifeline as she desperately squawks for a rope break from the referee.
Despite Alves insisting that she is not subject to the rules of the ring by virtue of sovereign immunity, Nick Castle nonetheless convinces her to relent under penalty of disqualification. The judoka gives the captured limb a final twist, then she lets go and strolls back to the center of the ring with her typical nonchalance. Beth needs a little longer to get herself together, using the ropes for support to haul herself upright while favoring her left leg. The redhead slowly hobbles around the squared circle in an effort to get the sharp pain in her ankle to simmer down to a dull throb, keeping one hand securely on the rope at all times to stretch out the break in action as much as she can.
After three-quarters of a lap, Alves is out of patience and she aggressively moves to trap the challenger in a corner. Just as she surges forward, however, Jenkins stops playing possum and deftly drops to the mat while threading both calves around Maria’s lead ankle. Tripped up by the Drop Toe Hold, Alves pitches forward and bangs the point of her chin against the top turnbuckle. Bareback immediately takes advantage of the dazed champion, threading one arm between the Brazilian’s olive-skinned thighs and rolling her backwards and up onto her shoulders for...
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- !
...before Maria bucks free of the roll-up and prevents Jenkins from usurping her throne. Although Alves saves her kingdom, she has already lost the initiative, and the discombobulated royal sits up just in time to get knocked back down by a stinging Penalty Kick to her modest bosom.
PENALTY KICK:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=94YWJ9jBGoo
Beth tries her luck a second time and pounces across the chest of the flattened judoka while hooking cradling both legs behind the knees, and the referee quickly gets down and counts…
ONE!
TWO!
...only for Maria to deny the challenger again, this time by punching an arm into the air with a full second to spare. Jenkins snarls and pounds a fist into the canvas, but she understands that she has more work to do before she can claim the Lightweight gold. Beth roughly yanks the judoka up onto her bare feet by the lapels of her gi, then loops one arm around her midsection and scoops the other behind her knees to lift Maria into a sort of bridal carry. Jenkins spins in a half-circle to gather momentum, then lays out onto her right side to hammer Alves into the deck with a Sidewalk Slam.
SIDEWALK SLAM:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoHyD_cUVK8
The impact of spine against mat leaves the King wheezing and groaning, but Beth eschews a third try at a pin in favor of dishing out more damage while she has the advantage. Though normally not known for her aerial aptitude, Jenkins realizes she has to pull out all the stops to achieve Lightweight superiority, so she heads for the nearest corner and climbs the turnbuckles.
Precariously balanced on a somewhat gimpy ankle, the Pale Rider gulps hard as she turns around on her perch and sizes up the distance to her target. The champion is already starting to stir from her stupor, but Beth tunes out the voice of caution in her head in favor of delivering a top rope coup de grace, and then she leaps into the air.
At the peak of her jump, Jenkins tucks her heels to her rump, intending to come down with a crushing Diving Knee Drop right to Maria’s breadbasket. Just as gravity is starting to take hold, however, Alves recovers enough of her wits to roll to the side and get clear of the danger zone. Now suddenly faced with nothing except a wide expanse of empty, unforgiving canvas, Beth’s eyes widen with panic as she hurtles towards a very rough landing. She manages to partially bail by rolling with the impact to reduce the shock to her joints, but the calamitous crash still leaves the cowgirl curled into a fetal ball with her aching knees hugged to her chest.
A couple of steps away, the King shakes away the last of the cobwebs and catches a second wind. Maria scrambles over to the challenger and nestles in behind her, the big spoon to Beth’s little spoon. The black belt judoka has a very different idea of cuddling that most, however, and rather than gently wrapping her arms around her opponent’s waist, she instead tightly wraps her arms around the other wrestler’s neck.
REAR NAKED CHOKE:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2gQDxgdrJI
With the blood and oxygen to her brain abruptly cut off by the King’s Rear Naked Choke, Beth quickly forgets all about her aching knees and begins thrashing wildly in an attempt to wriggle free. Uncoiling her legs proves to be a mistake though, as it allows Maria’s thighs to wrap around her waist in a tight Bodyscissor. The Pale Rider quickly starts to look not so pale as her face flushes the same color as her strawberry freckles and her eyeballs bulge from their sockets.
Nick Castle is quickly down at her side, offering the cowgirl a chance to call it a night before the judoka forcibly puts her to sleep. For a moment it appears that Jenkins will choose to tap instead of nap, her flattened palm hovering over the constricting bicep around her throat, a decision that the FAWNatics wholeheartedly encourage with their chants of “TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!”
Bareback has nothing but contempt for the fans though, and if only for the sake of spite, she denies their wish to see her surrender and instead reaches behind her head to rake her sharp nails across Maria’s eyes. The judoka screeches in anguish and releases the choke as her hands instinctively move to protect her face, rolling away from her opponent lest she take further punishment while momentarily blinded. The referee delivers a stern warning to Beth for the eye rake, but the cowgirl duly ignores him as she slides out of the ring to catch her breath, huffing and puffing as her face gradually returns to its normal color.
Jenkins watches Maria furiously rub her eye sockets and considers it safe to reenter, sliding in under the bottom rope and pushing to her feet. A few steps from her sightless target, the freckled fighter pirouettes toward the lightweight titleholder and LEVELS her with a Discus Clothesline, Alves’ spine and the back of her skull THUMPING against the thinly-covered plywood.
Discus Clothesline ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0qJHBN70o8 )
Catching her balance after the blast, Beth glances over her shoulder at the wreckage of the brunette. She shakes her head in disdain then turns her gaze to the audience.
“The girl’s as soft as a pillow,” Jenkins shouts to the front rows. “You need more than judo classes to be a real champ. You need to be a bitch.”
Reaching the judoka as Alves makes it to hands and knees, Bareback flattens the champ to the deck with a boot stomp to her lower vertebrae then makes a mudhole out of the Brazilian, laying leather to every inch of her foe’s chest and abdomen until Maria curls into a fetal ball. Beth turns to the crowd once more.
“Anyone see someone who qualifies?!”
The redhead sheepishly raises her right hand before forming it into a claw. She genuflects next to Alves, peels Maria out of her shell and sinks her digits into the King’s temples and forehead with an Iron Claw. The old-timers in the crowd pop as Beth bears down, her fingers going white as she tries to remove Maria’s senses, the pressure building. Maria’s palms surround the wrist of Beth’s controlling right hand, trying to push the tines off her braincase, but she’s unable.
Alves’ struggles and spasms become more spastic as the seconds grow. Realizing she can’t tear Beth’s talons loose, Alves pulls back an arm and CRACKS Jenkins’ jaw with a straight right, the clenched digits snapping the cowgirl’s head to the side. The force sends the redhead tumbling off her foe, claw removed. Bareback staggers to her feet, flexing her jaw and shaking out some cobwebs.
Not far, the judoka rises to unsteady feet until she’s GUTTED by an advancing Beth, the point of Jenkins’ cowboy boot impaling the tawny tummy of the titleholder. With a bug-eyed Maria doubled at the waist, a smirking Beth tugs the lowered head into a front facelock. Bareback swings her foe back and forth to gather momentum before sending her spinning to the deck with a nasty neckbreaker.
Spinning Neckbreaker ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEEISEWzfWg )
With Alves splattered on the canvas, Beth dives across her slender frame, hooking the King’s far leg and keeping her shoulders to mat for the…
ONE…
TWO…
Maria kicks free, Beth ending on all fours next to her foe, trying to contain her anger at Castle’s interminably slow count. Bareback uses her baby blues to give Nick the evil eye(s), then sinks a set of nails into the dark brown locks of the champ, ripping the reeling Alves to her feet. She bullies the Brazilian to the nearest corner then sweeps Maria off her feet, bridal-style, before laying her across the middle rope on either side, Jenkins creating a living altar to her bedlam.
Grabbing the top cables and using a bottom rope to launch herself, the Pride of Tombstone springboards into the air above the judoka and DRIVES a double-knee drop into the open abs of the champ. Maria is sent hurtling to the deck from the force of the collision, Alves left swaddling her tenderized tummy and gasping for air while an increasingly confident Bareback Beth plays to the FAWNatics.
Double Knee Drop ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz3RZTmhuAQ )
The redhead raises both hands and dramatically wipes them, signaling the short reign of King Maria is coming to an end.
Beth returns to a groaning, seated Maria and tugs Alves up via a wrist and a handful of dark mane. The cowgirl aims Alves toward the far cables and pivots to send her racing with an Irish Whip. But Maria has other ideas, planting and reversing. Instead, it’s the Arizona rancher heading out on the range. Beth bounces off the cables and returns to a waiting Maria.
The King starts to lift Bareback in a press, but the redhead’s momentum is too much to control. Jenkins slips off her foe’s palms, landing behind the judoka. Moving quickly, Beth swings her right arm in front of Maria’s throat in a backhanded swipe. Jenkins pulls her foe into a backward arch, those in the know realizing Maria and her kingdom are about to be Buried at Boot Hill by Beth’s Inverted DDT finisher.
Buried at Boot Hill ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAw8i0E_hkQ )
But before Beth can launch and remove Maria from her consciousness, Alves’ bare feet leave the canvas in a half-flip, her right CRACKING the bridge of Bareback’s beak. Beth instantly releases her grip and stumbles in a backpedal to the ropes. Rebounding drunkenly toward the freed judoka, Jenkins awkwardly tries to leapfrog a dipping Maria, but the champ catches her challenger, an arm wrapped around each thigh.
The King regally carries her wriggling redhead to mid-ring, makes sure she’s pointed to the hard cam, then Alabama SLAMS Bareback to the canvas, the ring rattling with the impact of skull and spine to canvas.
Alabama Slam ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYR9BSYdHAw )
Jenkins cradles the back of her braincase with both hands, her boot soles pattering against the deck. The sinewy brunette lifts her right leg and aims a heel at the chin of her challenger. But Beth manages to roll clear, the judoka’s strike hitting the mat instead, a grimace creasing Maria’s lips as she hobbles through a tight circle, cursing under her breath.
As she does, the cowgirl pushes shakily to her feet. As Alves returns to face off with her foe, Beth raises a sweeping right kick toward Maria. The King catches the leg between her arm and her side. Twisting the hopping Bareback, the champ takes Beth off both feet, ending with a double-barreled grip around the raised right ankle of her challenger.
Wrapping her arms tight around the vulnerable joint, Maria wrenches at the redhead’s ankle, drawing howls of protest and pain from the Tombstone native.
Ankle lock ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IOnU5UG9JU)
A concerned Castle asks if Beth wants to surrender to the King. Propped up on her palms, the Pale Rider takes a swipe at the zebra before digging her nails into the canvas, hoping to reach the ropes before the lightning strikes of pain force her to tap out and abandon the lightweight title to the King.
This time the champion digs her heels into the canvas, making it much more difficult for Beth to drag her towards the edge of the ring. Jenkins gets about halfway to safety before Alves throws it in reverse and hauls her right back to where she started, leaving the cowgirl sobbing into the canvas and tearing at her hair as she tries to find the fortitude to hang on. The “TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!” chants return in full force as it seems Beth is at wit’s end, but the challenger has more grit than the FAWNatics give her credit for.
Wildly thrashing despite the searing pain in her right foot, Jenkins miraculously kicks her way out of her own boot. Maria falls backwards into the ropes holding the suddenly empty size 8 Stetson, while Beth scampers forward on hands and knees to the opposite side of the squared circle, much to the disappointment of the partisan crowd.
“Fellatio Jenkins, you have many tricks,” the King remarks as she tosses the boot over her shoulder and to the floor, then she grimly informs her opponent, “Possession of tricks is a capital crime in my kingdom.”
“Shut UP, Froot Loops! YOU’RE NOT A KING!” Beth snaps back from across the ring as she forces herself up onto her feet, one still shod in its boot and the other covered by just a cotton sock.
Maria’s features twist into a faint, barely perceptible frown at the challenger’s disrespect towards her authority, and she stomps towards the other wrestler with ill-intentions. Beth charges forward to meet the King, one fist chambered for Haymaker, but she doesn’t make it more than two steps before her right ankle buckles under her weight. Jenkins cries out in shock and despair as she collapses right into the judoka’s grasp, and the Brazilian black belt promptly wraps both arms around her waist and bridges backwards to send Beth up, over, and down to the deck with a booming Belly to Belly Suplex.
BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKKW95DwokA
Jenkins lands on the back of her head and neck, then bounces off the thinly-sheathed plywood before ultimately coming to a rest at the edge of the ring with her chest drooped across the bottom rope. Beth doesn’t get a reprieve or a chance to recover as Alves is quickly upon her again, pinning both of the cowgirl’s arms behind her back with a Double Chickenwing and hauling her upright and back towards the center of the ring. With Jenkins still trapped in her clutches, the King dips her knees and pops her hips to send her challenger flipping head over heels for the second time in thirty seconds with her signature Tiger Suplex.
TIGER SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jN9wU7UXPM
Maria holds the bridge and rises up onto her toes to force Beth’s shoulders against the mat, and Nick Castle dutifully gets down to count…
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NO!
...before the Pale Rider bucks free with a spasmodic twitch of her legs.
The King is not dissuaded by the escape though, and with one of Beth’s arms still in her clutches, she quickly pivots to trap that limb between her thighs. Barely cognizant after a couple of headfirst landings, Jenkins can only muster a feeble resistance before her other arm gets snared underneath Maria’s armpit, locking the challenger into the torturous Rings of Saturn.
RINGS OF SATURN:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c1k6E6gmq0
The burst of pain in her shoulders brings Beth burbling back to semi-awareness, and when Maria clasps both hands around the side of her neck and forcefully yanks back, Jenkins screams bloody murder. Even so, the cowgirl has enough iron in her that she howls a resolute “NO!” at the referee when he gives her a chance to surrender and fight another day. Alves works the hold for a dozen seconds, simultaneously trying to pop Beth’s shoulders while wringing her neck, then the King’s patience wears thin.
“I have a parlay with the Sultan of Brunei in seventeen minutes and you are making me tardy,” Maria informs her challenger, a hint of annoyance creeping into her voice. “That is very inconsiderate, Fellatio Jenkins.”
“S-S-SCREW YOU, WACKO!” the Pale Rider screams in defiance. “I’M GONNA -- mmmmMMMMPPPHHH!”
Whatever Jenkins has planned, she doesn’t get to voice it before the King interrupts her. Alves reaches back with one arm and peels the sock from Beth’s right foot before sliding it over her own hand. Now wearing the proper protection, the King goes back to her thieving ways and promptly steals Eliza Bliss’ gimmick by shoving her be-socked hand into the challenger’s gaping mouth, clamping down on a vicious Mandible Claw.
RINGS OF SATURN W/ MANDIBLE CLAW:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW3T_iFmorE
Beth’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets from shock, pain, and humiliation as the judoka’s fingers gouge into her soft palette. The agony from the combination attack is too much to bear and Jenkins tries to tap out, only to find out that she cannot with her arms trapped and rendered immobile. Attempts to scream her submission are similarly foiled by the gag in her mouth, and all Beth can do is suffer indignantly as she waits for the sweet embrace of unconsciousness. It doesn’t take long for her muffled sobs to fade to nothing, and Nick Castle doesn’t bother with a perfunctory arm check before he calls for the bell.
“YOUR WINNER… AND STILL… LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION… KING MARIAAAA AAAALLLVEEESSSS!” the ring announcer proclaims, and a small but vocal minority of the FAWNatics answer, “HUZZAH!”
The King is quick to release her devious hold, though she does make a point of leaving the discarded sock in her vanquished opponent’s mouth. Alves gets to her feet and gives Bareback another bow, and right on cue, her Kingsguard reenter the ring. One of them hands her king the Lightweight title belt, coronet, and scepter, while another produces an ink pad and what seems to be a real estate bill of sale hastily written on a roll of toilet paper. The loyal eunuch grabs Beth’s limp, flaccid wrist and presses her thumb first to the ink pad and then to the dubiously legal contract, officially marking the colonization of what is now named the ‘Fellatio Ranch’ into the ever-growing borders of Maria’s kingdom.
“The Fellatio Ranch is ours!” the King jubilantly shouts as she holds the roll of toilet paper high overhead. “Huzzah!”
Most of the crowd respond with their usual “WHAAAAAAAT” but again there’s a smattering of enthusiastic “HUZZAH!” mixed in the din.
Alves turns to the referee and commands, “There is no more use for Fellatio Jenkins. I have her lands, and her sexual proclivities do not interest me. See to it that she is hanged at dawn, Nicholas Castle.”
Before the official can point out that her royal authority does not quite extend to summarily executing her conquered challengers, Maria turns away and shouts, “COME, EUNUCHS! THE SULTAN AWAITS!”
Right on cue, the Kingsguard thump the ends of their spears into the deck, releasing a burst of smoke from the spearheads and prompting another round of “WHAAAAAAAT.” The smoke quickly spreads to cover the ring to obscure all the occupants within, and when it finally dissipates, the King and her host are gone, leaving the sputtering, coughing referee to tend after the still unconscious -- and freshly homeless -- Beth Jenkins.
“WHAAAAAAAT.”
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewRjZoRtu0Y
’Paper Planes’ by M.I.A. heralds the entrance of King Maria Alves, judoka extraordinaire and newly crowned Lightweight Champion. Maria steps through the curtains at the top of the entrance ramp, dressed in a white gi and black belt, albeit much more form fitting than regulation typically allowed. Unlike her standard judo-wear, Alves continues to go without pants for her professional wrestling matches at the behest of the marketing and wardrobe departments, bare below the hips save for a pair of black bikini bottoms to preserve her modesty. A gilded scepter in her hand and a diamond encrusted coronet atop her head remind her audience of Maria’s royal status while the Lightweight title strap lays across her left shoulder, the judoka electing not to wear it around her waist so as to not obscure the other belt that served as a testament to her prodigious skills.
MARIA ALVES
“ON HER WAY TO THE RING… AT FIVE FOOT FOUR AND ONE HUNDRED SIXTEEN POUNDS… SHE IS YOUR LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION… YOUR HIGHNESS… KING MARIAAAA AAAAAALLLVVEESSSSSS!” the ring announcer quickly improvises an introduction, lest he draw the King’s ire for not providing a suitably regal welcome.
Accompanying the king are a quartet of towering Amazons dressed in the manner of Roman legionnaires -- each armored in a bronze-plated cuirass, pleated skirt, leatherbound sandals, and knee-high greaves while carrying a spear in one hand and a shield in the other. The members of the kingsguard flank their master on four corners as she calmly pads down the entrance ramp on her bare feet, occasionally bobbing her head to the beat of her music. Maria and her entourage claim the center of the squared circle, then one of her loyal ‘eunuchs’ produces a microphone and hands it to the king.
“Greetings and salutations, humble peasants, and rejoice, for you are graced by my regal presence! Huzzah!” Maria speaks to a mostly silent arena, though the stoic reception doesn’t seem to dampen her spirits.
A second eunuch presents a scroll and unfurls it for her king to read.
“As king, it is my duty and divine right to conquer and enslave foreign lands and peoples,” Alves says into the microphone to confused murmurs from the FAWNatics, “and the first territory to be subjugated shall be none other than the Fellatio Ranch!”
Right on cue, the collective audience responds, “WHAAAAAAAT.”
The kingsguard seem puzzled as well, and they exchange uncomfortable glances with each other for a moment before one finally speaks up.
“Pardon me, Your Grace, I believe that it is called the BJ Ranch,” a guard whispers to Maria.
“That is what I said, eunuch number Jan,” Alves replies. “Our first conquest shall be the Fellatio Ranch!”
Once more the FAWNatics chant, “WHAAAAAAAT.”
Visibly baffled by her king’s eccentricities, Jan stammers wordlessly for a moment before she collects herself and says, “Your Grace, the ‘BJ’ does not refer to… I mean… Beth Jenkins… the ‘BJ’ is her name…”
It’s apparently Maria’s turn to be confused as she blankly stares at her kingsguard for a few seconds before finally asking, “The ranch shares a name with its lord? Are you certain of this?”
The other four women wordlessly exchange another round of glances at each other, then they nod in agreement.
“That is a very peculiar name…” the judoka mutters to herself as she scratches the back of her head with the bejeweled head of her scepter, then she raises the microphone to her lips once more and announces, “COME FORTH, FELLATIO JENKINS --”
“WHAAAAAAAT.”
“-- AND CEDE YOUR RANCH TO ITS RIGHTFUL RULER!” Maria continues without missing a beat. “IF YOUR SURRENDER IS SWIFT AND PEACEFUL, I SHALL GRANT YOU THE MERCY OF A SLOW AND PAINFUL EXECUTION!”
“WHAAAAAAAT.”
The redheaded rancher, having lassoed what some considered a surprising title opportunity, waits on the balls of her feet behind the curtain, watching a monitor in slack-jawed wonder at the new champion’s…irregular behavior. Apparently, the former talk show host had joined so many on the roster in overdosing on crazy pills.
But Jenkins seems less than concerned about the silliness. If the ref kept her foe’s towering servants out of the action, the wackier this whack job was, the easier it would be to become light champ for the second time.
The back of each FAWNatic straightens when “Wildflower” by JaneDear Girls reverberates through the bowl, the crowd understanding the freckled fighter is a threat to place her ‘BJ’ brand on the sub-125 population, even if only figuratively, her demolished ink gun ‘branding iron’ out of commission.
( www.youtube.com/watch?v=NC0IhlquYlI )
Bareback Beth emerges in full Western regalia, her greeting less than welcoming.
BETH JENKINS
Jenkins is clad in the flag of the Grand Canyon State patterned on her vest—small enough to leave a sliver of midsection bare—blue spandex, boy-cut trunks and tan leather chaps below. Her feet are adorned in a pair of battered old cowboy boots, spurs clicking against the floor as she saunters down the aisle. A coiled lasso is attached to her hip. Sitting atop her head is a black cowboy hat with a curved brim.
Having been bested by Macy Renquist in her attempt to recover the lightweight title the previous summer and knowing this woman triumphed over the Slappin’ Sensation only last month, it’s clear Jenkins still does not lack for confidence.
Beth ignores the jeers and catcalls from the crowd, the Pale Rider striding to the squared circle without hesitation, the redhead looking as though she’s headed down Main Street of old Tombstone at high noon. She remains out of the reach of those extending for a handshake or high-five, the rabble not worthy of her time, the champ and challenger sharing something in common.
On the way, the ring announcer takes his chance as Beth’s music fades.
“And her opponent…hailing from Tombstone, Arizona, standing 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighing in at 120 pounds…BAREBACK BETH JENKINS!”
As the Arizonan reaches the ring, she continues past the steps to the announcer’s table.
Beth turns in her spurs, lasso and ten-gallon for a microphone. Jenkins raises the stick to her rosy lips as she walks back to the steps, strides up, and slips through the ropes, glancing at the so-called King.
“Just what we needed,” Beth interjects. “More horseshit royalty.”
Jenkins remains in the corner closest to the steps with Maria’s flunkies populating the ring.
“Sweetheart. You’ll have to ask your string bean stooges for fellatio. I may not be able to put the blue ‘BJ’ brand on you any longer, but I can still damn well make you one of my herd and put the gold where it belongs.”
The mob boos lustily as Bareback hands the microphone to Nick Castle, who in turn reaches through the ropes and places it in the palm of a FAWN attendant. The organization’s lead official motions for Maria’s Kingsguard to exit and, with the last one removed from the squared circle, he calls for the bell.
As is her custom, Maria steps forward and greets the newly-arrived challenger with a stiff, formal bow and says, “Greetings and salutations, Fellatio Jen -- HRRK!”
Beth’s response is far less courteous, and the cowgirl surges forward with a Double Axe Handle Smash to the back of the judoka’s bowed head. The stunning cheapshot sends the Lightweight champion crashing face first into the canvas, allowing Jenkins to mount her back and throw punch after punch at the base of her skull. King Maria still retains the presence of mind to cover up with her arms, however, and after the initial barrage of blows Beth decides to try something else.
A swift boot to the ribs rolls Alves onto her back, then Beth grabs the lapels of her gi and hauls her up onto wobbly legs. Switching her grips to Maria’s left sleeve, Jenkins gives a forceful yank to send her foe stumbling towards the far corner. Alves pivots in time to take the collision against the turnbuckles on her back rather than her chest, though the impact still knocks the wind out of her and forces her to drop to a seat.
Beth’s ruby lips stretch into a smirk when she sees that Maria’s bronco is primed for a busting. She takes just a moment to line up her approach, then she breaks into a sprint towards her opponent. Just before Jenkins can leap off her feet, however, Maria regains enough awareness to roll to one side to get clear of what would have been Beth’s flight path had the cowgirl not slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop.
“Nuh-uh, nutbar,” Beth snorts as she walks the rest of the way and drags Maria upright by the sleeve once again. “You ain’t shaking me that easy.”
Jenkins tries to whip the judoka to the opposite corner, but this time Alves latches onto her wrist midway. Maria’s bare toes find purchase against the canvas after a couple of steps, and with a quick pivot, she reverses the momentum of the Irish Whip with all the effortless deft and grace expected of a black belt judo prodigy. Suddenly rocketing towards the turnbuckles at a far greater speed than she had sent her opponent, Beth doesn’t have the time to turn and brace for impact, so instead she smashes her breasts against the top buckle with a yelp.
The Arizonan cowgirl bounces and backpedals towards the center of the ring, hissing and groaning with arms protectively swaddled around her chest. Jenkins stumbles backwards directly into the grasps of the judoka, who quickly wraps both arms around her waist in a snug Rear Waistlock. Fortunately for Beth, her veteran instincts kick in and she twines one leg around Maria’s just in time to short-circuit the German Suplex that was surely imminent.
With her attempt to lift the challenger off the mat foiled, Alves shows some adaptability and savvy of her own by lunging forward with Jenkins still in her arms. Doing so propels Beth chest-first into the corner turnbuckles for the second time in five seconds, drawing another squawk of displeasure from the strawberry blonde and breaking both her concentration and the grapevine she had around Maria’s right shin.
Now with both legs free, Alves rolls with the recoil by dropping to a seat and tumbling backwards over one shoulder. She drags the challenger along for the dizzying ride, both champion and challenger going head over heels before regaining their feet near the middle of the squared circle. Her arms still locked tight around her now discombobulated opponent, Maria dips her knees, pops her hips, and arches her back in single smooth, explosive movement to send Beth up, over, and down into the thinly-sheathed plywood.
ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv9wUjBKXSQ
Despite their enmity for the Pale Rider, the FAWNatics oooh with sympathetic pain at the catastrophic conclusion to King Maria’s Rolling German Suplex. Instead of holding the bridge for a pin, Alves releases her grips and clambers upright, then she flexes her shoulders and rolls her neck a couple of times to get the stiffness out before giving the devastated challenger another bow.
“Greetings and salutations, Fellatio Jenkins,” Maria welcomes her challenger once more now that she’s in no danger of being interrupted again.
Formalities out of the way, Alves nonchalantly lays across the chest of the battered cowgirl and wordlessly gestures for the referee to do his duty. Nick Castle heroically resists the urge to express his exasperation with a roll of his eyes or a sigh of his breath, and instead stoically drops down to the canvas to pound out…
ONE!
TWO!
...before Jenkins punches her right arm into the air and up off the mat to keep her championship dreams alive for a little longer.
Beth quickly comes to regret her decision, however, as the judoka immediately snares her raised arm and pivots about to transition from pin to submission in the blink of an eye. Lying perpendicular to Jenkins with the captured limb between her thighs, Maria bridges her hips while pulling back on the wrist to target the elbow with a Jujigatame Armbar.
JUJIGATAME ARMBAR:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TC1LDwaIyE
The sudden burst of pain dispels the concussive haze clouding her senses, and Beth shrieks bloody murder as she feels her arm bending backwards. The scream is still echoing in Jenkin’s throat when Castle crouches down next to her and offers her a chance to surrender, FAWN’s most senior official knowing how dangerous and debilitating the judoka could be. Rather than shouting her submission, however, the cowgirl simply puts her pearly whites to work and bites down on Maria’s exposed calf.
Alves gives a pained, indignant squeal as she rolls away, both freeing Beth’s arm from her clutches and freeing her leg from Beth’s chompers. King Maria retreats to the edge of the ring and inspects the fresh bite marks on her calf, her olive skin bruised but unbroken by the challenger’s teeth. Meanwhile, Jenkins hisses and grimaces as she flexes her wounded wing, all the while ignoring the official’s reprimands for her unsporting tactic.
“Your techniques are as distasteful as your name, Fellatio Jenkins,” Maria chides from a few feet away, evidently sharing a similarly low opinion of her challenger’s escape plan.
Beth starts to snap back, but whatever she’s saying is interrupted by an agonized screech when Alves strides over, grabs her right arm again, and roughly yanks her up to boot leather. Jenkins isn’t vertical for long, as the judoka promptly brings her arm down hard across a shoulder, using the joint as a fulcrum to flip the cowgirl to the mat once more with a textbook Judo Toss.
Not satisfied with ippon, Maria hangs on to her opponent’s wrist and starts to drag the beleaguered blonde up for a second and third helping. In controlling Beth’s right arm, however, Alves neglects to account for the left, and Jenkins promptly makes her pay dearly with a savage Uppercut that splits her thighs and pulverizes her groin.
King Maria’s eyes nearly pop from their sockets while a tortured croak forces its way from her lips, then she sinks to her knees with both hands clasped between her legs before finally collapsing to one side. Having turned the tables in the blink of an eye and with her foe curled up into a fetal ball, Beth slowly rises to her feet and stands imperiously over the waylaid royal.
“Oh. I’m sorry,” Bareback grunts between waves of discomfort brought on by rolling the shoulder of her aching wing. “Were you expecting a tongue?”
The redhead pats Maria’s noggin then wraps her right arm around the head of the judoka. She swings her left leg forward then back, sending her body to the mat with the pendulum-like movement of her lower limb. Beth’s Kneeling DDT SPIKES Maria’s skull into the canvas, the impact bouncing the dazed Alves back to her haunches before she timbers to a hip and shoulder.
Kneeling DDT ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mhnw-GhYKQ )
Jenkins motions to Castle to follow her down to the canvas and the former rodeo queen spreads Maria out like baked beans on toast, pressing her freckled frame tight in a lateral press on the splayed Alves for the…
ONE…
TWO…
The King shoves a shoulder off the canvas, rolling to her side, denying an early transfer of sub-125 power to Bareback. Jenkins gives a foul glance at Nick, shaking her head accusingly. Beth grabs a wrist and draws Maria up with her as she rises.
“It’s time to get this division back to wrestling, not whatever you and that slap-happy Macy do.”
Jenkins leans her foe into the cables and heaves Alves off with an Irish Whip, Maria’s gi fluttering as she sprints to the far strands and u-turns out of the rubber-coated steel. Beth puts a quick end to her foe’s return journey as she spins into a vicious discus clothesline that nearly removes Maria’s head from her body.
Discus Clothesline ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6cKYmPagXI ) 00:20
The owner of the BJ ranch turns Alves inside out with the scythe-like attack, the judoka sent backflipping to the canvas, the back of her skull cracking against the canvas before the dark-haired champion tumbles over to her chest.
Beth turns her attention to the crowd over the face-down and waylaid majesty.
“I ain’t no king,” Jenkins shouts to the front rows, pointing at the fallen royalty. “I’m just a simple cowgirl…that not one of you could ever come close enough to touch. Pond scum.”
Ripped out of their momentary fevered wishes, the FAWNatics jeer the chuckling redhead. Their aversion to Bareback only grows more pronunced when Maria pushes to hands and knees only to have Beth stomp a mudhole out of the tawny-skinned titleholder, leaving Alves a puddled mess after Jenkins hands out a heaping helping of Arizona boot leather.
Beth turns her attention back to the champ, clamping onto a wrist and a handful of dark locks and ripping the battered Alves to her feet, Maria’s tanned stems rubbery from the cowgirl’s abuse.
Jenkins aims the wobbling judoka toward the far corner and heaves Maria on her way, Alves finding her senses in time to turn and collide with the buckles back-first. The collision rocks the King, but her highness keeps her bare feet under her this time, much to the displeasure of the Pale Rider.
“You just don’t know when it’s time to get busted,” Beth complains bitterly before charging the cornered Alves.
As Jenkins closes the gap on her way to an avalanche splash, Maria places her arms on the top rope on either side and leans back, shooting her legs forward and CRACKING the soles of her feet into the chin of the advancing Arizonan. Beth spins and staggers several feet away, stepping in fencepost holes before shaking out the cobwebs.
The redhead turns and charges once more, but Maria gets her legs up again. This time the judoka’s gams surround the neck of the freckled fighter. She gracefully hand-walks the top cable a few feet from the corner and throws her body away from the strands. Tumbling through the air, Maria’s tight scissors forces Beth along for an unwanted ride and the redhead’s flipped halfway across the ring from the headscissors takedown.
Headscissors takedown ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrJMvSkuw_Y ) 00:08
Jenkins uses the momentum from her landing to roll to vertical. Grimacing, she ignores the pain in her spinal column as best she can, spins, and charges the lightweight champ with a right-armed lariat drawn. Maria deftly ducks under the swing and miss. She wraps her arms around the chest of the redhead and vaults a wide-eyed Jenkins up and over, pivoting into a uranage that sends Bareback THUMPING into the canvas.
Uranage ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrJMvSkuw_Y )
Beth lands on her neck and shoulders in gruesome fashion, her freckled frame adding mass to the awkward landing. She flops over to hands and knees, showing enough grit not to end flat to the mat but too shellshocked to rise from all fours.
Her stationary condition isn’t a problem for the judoka who ‘helps’ the wavering redhead to her feet. Standing beside her foe, she laces her right leg around Beth’s left, while wrapping her near arm around the back of the cowgirl’s neck. Leaning forward, she throws her body to the canvas in the opposite direction, PLANTING Jenkins’ vertebrae to the thinly-sheathed plywood.
Side Russian Legsweep ( www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=sYknjY1T7CQ%C2%A0 )
With Beth’s baby blues glassy and staring blankly at the rafters, the King rolls to a cross body, hooking Bareback’s far leg with both hands and capturing her in a pinning predicament for the...
ONE…
TWO…
The ornery Arizonan twists a shoulder off the canvas, unwilling to let the opportunity to become the class of her weight class a second time go to waste.
Maria instantly has other ideas, dropping to her taut backside at her foe’s head. Alves snatches both wrists of the challenger, pulling them behind and yanking the redhead to a seated position between her parted legs. With Beth’s freckled stems extended, Maria uses her foe’s arms like handlebars, roughly controlling her rival. Lifting her own sinewy lower limbs, the judoka crosses her ankles behind Beth’s neck and brutally pushes her legs forward, forcing Jenkins’ chin into her cleavage with a Lotus Lock.
Lotus Lock ( www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=S6RDDVobul8%C2%A0 )
“You may ask Miss Fellatio,” Alves allows. And Castle indeed checks to see if the taffy-pulled redhead wants to give up her chance at glory.
Unable to shake her head, a mewling Beth offers an unconvincing ‘no’. It’s enough for Maria to believe. She unhooks her ankles, draws her right leg back and swings a hammer-like heel into the crown of the cowgirl. Beth’s azure eyes cross and she flops to a shoulder deep in a stupor as Maria pushes to her feet and hovers.
Far from done, the judoka, latches onto Beth’s left ankle and rolls the weakly squirming Jenkins to her chest. Wrapping an arm around the tenderized joint and locking it around its compatriot, Maria works an ankle lock like a part-time job. Beth howls back to life, squealing when Alves gets enthusiastic with the grip.
Ankle Lock ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-gztkUKImk )
The King does her best to unscrew the cowgirl’s foot, but Beth’s sturdy leather boot provides some measure of protection, and Maria’s slender frame does not have enough mass as an anchor. Scampering forward on both hands and one leg, Jenkins lunges for the bottom rope and manages to hook an arm over the lifeline as she desperately squawks for a rope break from the referee.
Despite Alves insisting that she is not subject to the rules of the ring by virtue of sovereign immunity, Nick Castle nonetheless convinces her to relent under penalty of disqualification. The judoka gives the captured limb a final twist, then she lets go and strolls back to the center of the ring with her typical nonchalance. Beth needs a little longer to get herself together, using the ropes for support to haul herself upright while favoring her left leg. The redhead slowly hobbles around the squared circle in an effort to get the sharp pain in her ankle to simmer down to a dull throb, keeping one hand securely on the rope at all times to stretch out the break in action as much as she can.
After three-quarters of a lap, Alves is out of patience and she aggressively moves to trap the challenger in a corner. Just as she surges forward, however, Jenkins stops playing possum and deftly drops to the mat while threading both calves around Maria’s lead ankle. Tripped up by the Drop Toe Hold, Alves pitches forward and bangs the point of her chin against the top turnbuckle. Bareback immediately takes advantage of the dazed champion, threading one arm between the Brazilian’s olive-skinned thighs and rolling her backwards and up onto her shoulders for...
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- !
...before Maria bucks free of the roll-up and prevents Jenkins from usurping her throne. Although Alves saves her kingdom, she has already lost the initiative, and the discombobulated royal sits up just in time to get knocked back down by a stinging Penalty Kick to her modest bosom.
PENALTY KICK:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=94YWJ9jBGoo
Beth tries her luck a second time and pounces across the chest of the flattened judoka while hooking cradling both legs behind the knees, and the referee quickly gets down and counts…
ONE!
TWO!
...only for Maria to deny the challenger again, this time by punching an arm into the air with a full second to spare. Jenkins snarls and pounds a fist into the canvas, but she understands that she has more work to do before she can claim the Lightweight gold. Beth roughly yanks the judoka up onto her bare feet by the lapels of her gi, then loops one arm around her midsection and scoops the other behind her knees to lift Maria into a sort of bridal carry. Jenkins spins in a half-circle to gather momentum, then lays out onto her right side to hammer Alves into the deck with a Sidewalk Slam.
SIDEWALK SLAM:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoHyD_cUVK8
The impact of spine against mat leaves the King wheezing and groaning, but Beth eschews a third try at a pin in favor of dishing out more damage while she has the advantage. Though normally not known for her aerial aptitude, Jenkins realizes she has to pull out all the stops to achieve Lightweight superiority, so she heads for the nearest corner and climbs the turnbuckles.
Precariously balanced on a somewhat gimpy ankle, the Pale Rider gulps hard as she turns around on her perch and sizes up the distance to her target. The champion is already starting to stir from her stupor, but Beth tunes out the voice of caution in her head in favor of delivering a top rope coup de grace, and then she leaps into the air.
At the peak of her jump, Jenkins tucks her heels to her rump, intending to come down with a crushing Diving Knee Drop right to Maria’s breadbasket. Just as gravity is starting to take hold, however, Alves recovers enough of her wits to roll to the side and get clear of the danger zone. Now suddenly faced with nothing except a wide expanse of empty, unforgiving canvas, Beth’s eyes widen with panic as she hurtles towards a very rough landing. She manages to partially bail by rolling with the impact to reduce the shock to her joints, but the calamitous crash still leaves the cowgirl curled into a fetal ball with her aching knees hugged to her chest.
A couple of steps away, the King shakes away the last of the cobwebs and catches a second wind. Maria scrambles over to the challenger and nestles in behind her, the big spoon to Beth’s little spoon. The black belt judoka has a very different idea of cuddling that most, however, and rather than gently wrapping her arms around her opponent’s waist, she instead tightly wraps her arms around the other wrestler’s neck.
REAR NAKED CHOKE:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2gQDxgdrJI
With the blood and oxygen to her brain abruptly cut off by the King’s Rear Naked Choke, Beth quickly forgets all about her aching knees and begins thrashing wildly in an attempt to wriggle free. Uncoiling her legs proves to be a mistake though, as it allows Maria’s thighs to wrap around her waist in a tight Bodyscissor. The Pale Rider quickly starts to look not so pale as her face flushes the same color as her strawberry freckles and her eyeballs bulge from their sockets.
Nick Castle is quickly down at her side, offering the cowgirl a chance to call it a night before the judoka forcibly puts her to sleep. For a moment it appears that Jenkins will choose to tap instead of nap, her flattened palm hovering over the constricting bicep around her throat, a decision that the FAWNatics wholeheartedly encourage with their chants of “TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!”
Bareback has nothing but contempt for the fans though, and if only for the sake of spite, she denies their wish to see her surrender and instead reaches behind her head to rake her sharp nails across Maria’s eyes. The judoka screeches in anguish and releases the choke as her hands instinctively move to protect her face, rolling away from her opponent lest she take further punishment while momentarily blinded. The referee delivers a stern warning to Beth for the eye rake, but the cowgirl duly ignores him as she slides out of the ring to catch her breath, huffing and puffing as her face gradually returns to its normal color.
Jenkins watches Maria furiously rub her eye sockets and considers it safe to reenter, sliding in under the bottom rope and pushing to her feet. A few steps from her sightless target, the freckled fighter pirouettes toward the lightweight titleholder and LEVELS her with a Discus Clothesline, Alves’ spine and the back of her skull THUMPING against the thinly-covered plywood.
Discus Clothesline ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0qJHBN70o8 )
Catching her balance after the blast, Beth glances over her shoulder at the wreckage of the brunette. She shakes her head in disdain then turns her gaze to the audience.
“The girl’s as soft as a pillow,” Jenkins shouts to the front rows. “You need more than judo classes to be a real champ. You need to be a bitch.”
Reaching the judoka as Alves makes it to hands and knees, Bareback flattens the champ to the deck with a boot stomp to her lower vertebrae then makes a mudhole out of the Brazilian, laying leather to every inch of her foe’s chest and abdomen until Maria curls into a fetal ball. Beth turns to the crowd once more.
“Anyone see someone who qualifies?!”
The redhead sheepishly raises her right hand before forming it into a claw. She genuflects next to Alves, peels Maria out of her shell and sinks her digits into the King’s temples and forehead with an Iron Claw. The old-timers in the crowd pop as Beth bears down, her fingers going white as she tries to remove Maria’s senses, the pressure building. Maria’s palms surround the wrist of Beth’s controlling right hand, trying to push the tines off her braincase, but she’s unable.
Alves’ struggles and spasms become more spastic as the seconds grow. Realizing she can’t tear Beth’s talons loose, Alves pulls back an arm and CRACKS Jenkins’ jaw with a straight right, the clenched digits snapping the cowgirl’s head to the side. The force sends the redhead tumbling off her foe, claw removed. Bareback staggers to her feet, flexing her jaw and shaking out some cobwebs.
Not far, the judoka rises to unsteady feet until she’s GUTTED by an advancing Beth, the point of Jenkins’ cowboy boot impaling the tawny tummy of the titleholder. With a bug-eyed Maria doubled at the waist, a smirking Beth tugs the lowered head into a front facelock. Bareback swings her foe back and forth to gather momentum before sending her spinning to the deck with a nasty neckbreaker.
Spinning Neckbreaker ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEEISEWzfWg )
With Alves splattered on the canvas, Beth dives across her slender frame, hooking the King’s far leg and keeping her shoulders to mat for the…
ONE…
TWO…
Maria kicks free, Beth ending on all fours next to her foe, trying to contain her anger at Castle’s interminably slow count. Bareback uses her baby blues to give Nick the evil eye(s), then sinks a set of nails into the dark brown locks of the champ, ripping the reeling Alves to her feet. She bullies the Brazilian to the nearest corner then sweeps Maria off her feet, bridal-style, before laying her across the middle rope on either side, Jenkins creating a living altar to her bedlam.
Grabbing the top cables and using a bottom rope to launch herself, the Pride of Tombstone springboards into the air above the judoka and DRIVES a double-knee drop into the open abs of the champ. Maria is sent hurtling to the deck from the force of the collision, Alves left swaddling her tenderized tummy and gasping for air while an increasingly confident Bareback Beth plays to the FAWNatics.
Double Knee Drop ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz3RZTmhuAQ )
The redhead raises both hands and dramatically wipes them, signaling the short reign of King Maria is coming to an end.
Beth returns to a groaning, seated Maria and tugs Alves up via a wrist and a handful of dark mane. The cowgirl aims Alves toward the far cables and pivots to send her racing with an Irish Whip. But Maria has other ideas, planting and reversing. Instead, it’s the Arizona rancher heading out on the range. Beth bounces off the cables and returns to a waiting Maria.
The King starts to lift Bareback in a press, but the redhead’s momentum is too much to control. Jenkins slips off her foe’s palms, landing behind the judoka. Moving quickly, Beth swings her right arm in front of Maria’s throat in a backhanded swipe. Jenkins pulls her foe into a backward arch, those in the know realizing Maria and her kingdom are about to be Buried at Boot Hill by Beth’s Inverted DDT finisher.
Buried at Boot Hill ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAw8i0E_hkQ )
But before Beth can launch and remove Maria from her consciousness, Alves’ bare feet leave the canvas in a half-flip, her right CRACKING the bridge of Bareback’s beak. Beth instantly releases her grip and stumbles in a backpedal to the ropes. Rebounding drunkenly toward the freed judoka, Jenkins awkwardly tries to leapfrog a dipping Maria, but the champ catches her challenger, an arm wrapped around each thigh.
The King regally carries her wriggling redhead to mid-ring, makes sure she’s pointed to the hard cam, then Alabama SLAMS Bareback to the canvas, the ring rattling with the impact of skull and spine to canvas.
Alabama Slam ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYR9BSYdHAw )
Jenkins cradles the back of her braincase with both hands, her boot soles pattering against the deck. The sinewy brunette lifts her right leg and aims a heel at the chin of her challenger. But Beth manages to roll clear, the judoka’s strike hitting the mat instead, a grimace creasing Maria’s lips as she hobbles through a tight circle, cursing under her breath.
As she does, the cowgirl pushes shakily to her feet. As Alves returns to face off with her foe, Beth raises a sweeping right kick toward Maria. The King catches the leg between her arm and her side. Twisting the hopping Bareback, the champ takes Beth off both feet, ending with a double-barreled grip around the raised right ankle of her challenger.
Wrapping her arms tight around the vulnerable joint, Maria wrenches at the redhead’s ankle, drawing howls of protest and pain from the Tombstone native.
Ankle lock ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IOnU5UG9JU)
A concerned Castle asks if Beth wants to surrender to the King. Propped up on her palms, the Pale Rider takes a swipe at the zebra before digging her nails into the canvas, hoping to reach the ropes before the lightning strikes of pain force her to tap out and abandon the lightweight title to the King.
This time the champion digs her heels into the canvas, making it much more difficult for Beth to drag her towards the edge of the ring. Jenkins gets about halfway to safety before Alves throws it in reverse and hauls her right back to where she started, leaving the cowgirl sobbing into the canvas and tearing at her hair as she tries to find the fortitude to hang on. The “TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!” chants return in full force as it seems Beth is at wit’s end, but the challenger has more grit than the FAWNatics give her credit for.
Wildly thrashing despite the searing pain in her right foot, Jenkins miraculously kicks her way out of her own boot. Maria falls backwards into the ropes holding the suddenly empty size 8 Stetson, while Beth scampers forward on hands and knees to the opposite side of the squared circle, much to the disappointment of the partisan crowd.
“Fellatio Jenkins, you have many tricks,” the King remarks as she tosses the boot over her shoulder and to the floor, then she grimly informs her opponent, “Possession of tricks is a capital crime in my kingdom.”
“Shut UP, Froot Loops! YOU’RE NOT A KING!” Beth snaps back from across the ring as she forces herself up onto her feet, one still shod in its boot and the other covered by just a cotton sock.
Maria’s features twist into a faint, barely perceptible frown at the challenger’s disrespect towards her authority, and she stomps towards the other wrestler with ill-intentions. Beth charges forward to meet the King, one fist chambered for Haymaker, but she doesn’t make it more than two steps before her right ankle buckles under her weight. Jenkins cries out in shock and despair as she collapses right into the judoka’s grasp, and the Brazilian black belt promptly wraps both arms around her waist and bridges backwards to send Beth up, over, and down to the deck with a booming Belly to Belly Suplex.
BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKKW95DwokA
Jenkins lands on the back of her head and neck, then bounces off the thinly-sheathed plywood before ultimately coming to a rest at the edge of the ring with her chest drooped across the bottom rope. Beth doesn’t get a reprieve or a chance to recover as Alves is quickly upon her again, pinning both of the cowgirl’s arms behind her back with a Double Chickenwing and hauling her upright and back towards the center of the ring. With Jenkins still trapped in her clutches, the King dips her knees and pops her hips to send her challenger flipping head over heels for the second time in thirty seconds with her signature Tiger Suplex.
TIGER SUPLEX:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jN9wU7UXPM
Maria holds the bridge and rises up onto her toes to force Beth’s shoulders against the mat, and Nick Castle dutifully gets down to count…
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NO!
...before the Pale Rider bucks free with a spasmodic twitch of her legs.
The King is not dissuaded by the escape though, and with one of Beth’s arms still in her clutches, she quickly pivots to trap that limb between her thighs. Barely cognizant after a couple of headfirst landings, Jenkins can only muster a feeble resistance before her other arm gets snared underneath Maria’s armpit, locking the challenger into the torturous Rings of Saturn.
RINGS OF SATURN:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c1k6E6gmq0
The burst of pain in her shoulders brings Beth burbling back to semi-awareness, and when Maria clasps both hands around the side of her neck and forcefully yanks back, Jenkins screams bloody murder. Even so, the cowgirl has enough iron in her that she howls a resolute “NO!” at the referee when he gives her a chance to surrender and fight another day. Alves works the hold for a dozen seconds, simultaneously trying to pop Beth’s shoulders while wringing her neck, then the King’s patience wears thin.
“I have a parlay with the Sultan of Brunei in seventeen minutes and you are making me tardy,” Maria informs her challenger, a hint of annoyance creeping into her voice. “That is very inconsiderate, Fellatio Jenkins.”
“S-S-SCREW YOU, WACKO!” the Pale Rider screams in defiance. “I’M GONNA -- mmmmMMMMPPPHHH!”
Whatever Jenkins has planned, she doesn’t get to voice it before the King interrupts her. Alves reaches back with one arm and peels the sock from Beth’s right foot before sliding it over her own hand. Now wearing the proper protection, the King goes back to her thieving ways and promptly steals Eliza Bliss’ gimmick by shoving her be-socked hand into the challenger’s gaping mouth, clamping down on a vicious Mandible Claw.
RINGS OF SATURN W/ MANDIBLE CLAW:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW3T_iFmorE
Beth’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets from shock, pain, and humiliation as the judoka’s fingers gouge into her soft palette. The agony from the combination attack is too much to bear and Jenkins tries to tap out, only to find out that she cannot with her arms trapped and rendered immobile. Attempts to scream her submission are similarly foiled by the gag in her mouth, and all Beth can do is suffer indignantly as she waits for the sweet embrace of unconsciousness. It doesn’t take long for her muffled sobs to fade to nothing, and Nick Castle doesn’t bother with a perfunctory arm check before he calls for the bell.
“YOUR WINNER… AND STILL… LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION… KING MARIAAAA AAAALLLVEEESSSS!” the ring announcer proclaims, and a small but vocal minority of the FAWNatics answer, “HUZZAH!”
The King is quick to release her devious hold, though she does make a point of leaving the discarded sock in her vanquished opponent’s mouth. Alves gets to her feet and gives Bareback another bow, and right on cue, her Kingsguard reenter the ring. One of them hands her king the Lightweight title belt, coronet, and scepter, while another produces an ink pad and what seems to be a real estate bill of sale hastily written on a roll of toilet paper. The loyal eunuch grabs Beth’s limp, flaccid wrist and presses her thumb first to the ink pad and then to the dubiously legal contract, officially marking the colonization of what is now named the ‘Fellatio Ranch’ into the ever-growing borders of Maria’s kingdom.
“The Fellatio Ranch is ours!” the King jubilantly shouts as she holds the roll of toilet paper high overhead. “Huzzah!”
Most of the crowd respond with their usual “WHAAAAAAAT” but again there’s a smattering of enthusiastic “HUZZAH!” mixed in the din.
Alves turns to the referee and commands, “There is no more use for Fellatio Jenkins. I have her lands, and her sexual proclivities do not interest me. See to it that she is hanged at dawn, Nicholas Castle.”
Before the official can point out that her royal authority does not quite extend to summarily executing her conquered challengers, Maria turns away and shouts, “COME, EUNUCHS! THE SULTAN AWAITS!”
Right on cue, the Kingsguard thump the ends of their spears into the deck, releasing a burst of smoke from the spearheads and prompting another round of “WHAAAAAAAT.” The smoke quickly spreads to cover the ring to obscure all the occupants within, and when it finally dissipates, the King and her host are gone, leaving the sputtering, coughing referee to tend after the still unconscious -- and freshly homeless -- Beth Jenkins.
“WHAAAAAAAT.”