I am falling, I am fading
I am drowning, help me to breathe
I am hurting, I have lost it all
I am losing, help me to breathePolite applause fills the area of the bar that had been sectioned off for the weekly Karaoke Night, as one of its regular fixtures finishes her song, her smooth alto voice seeming to melt into the DJ’s soundsystem. Opening her eyes, Kanako Akiyama offers her audience a shy smile and a bow of her head before stepping off the makeshift stage to rejoin her companions, celebrating Camille’s triumphant return to the ring.
“Jesus Christ on a fuckstick, Akiyama!” Yoona Park bellows after downing another beer, “That song was depressing as fuck!”
“Melancholy AF,” Camille Cosworth agrees, though her girlfriend glares at her with disgust and disbelief.
“
’As fuck,’” Yoona pointedly insists. “You’re twenty-five, you’re allowed to use big girl words.”
“And surrender a nickel to the Swear Jar?” Camille scoffs. “No way! Totally not worth it! It wasn’t
that melancholy…”
Akiyama slides into her seat and gestures for Cosworth to take the stage and belt out a tune, but the other woman politely declines.
“She’s still three drinks away from Karaoke Cam,” Park clarifies. “And three-and-a-quarter drinks away from Public Nudity Cam.”
“And that’s why I’m nursing this one apple-tini for the entire night,” Camille says with a sagely nod and a tiny,
tiny sip of her drink. “Why don’t you give us an encore, Kanako? You have a really nice--”
“NO! Fuck you guys!” Yoona snaps. “Akiyama, your sad-sack, downer songs are giving me erectile dysfunction!”
Kanako scowls and drums her finger on the table before finally deciding to speak up, since neither of her friends will "Alright, how long are we gonna dance around this, Yoona?"
Yoona leans forward, and opens her mouth to say something. No words come out though, and after a pregnant pause, she grabs her beer, sits back in her seat, and drains the mug.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” she mutters, her eyes off to the side.
Kanako pounds her fist on the table "Goddamnit, Yoona! Don't be so...so...you!" she crosses her arms and sits back in her chair "You've been avoiding me ever since I broke my ankle."
Park closes her eyes while she takes a long draw of air through her nose, then she puffs it out through her mouth to calm her nerves.
“Because it was my fault,” she finally says. “How could you stand to look at me... how could you not HATE me after that”
This causes Kanako's defenses to come down a bit "Yoona..." She reaches across the table for the Korean's hands, "I don't blame you for what happened. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't
anybody's fault. Did you rush me back to action? Did you make me use a move that put all my weight down on the ankle that I honestly had no business doing anything but walk on?"
Yoona shakes her head, her eyes downcast. “No, but I pushed you to get in the ring to spar. And if I didn’t do that, then you wouldn’t have...” she trails off for a moment, taking another deep breath before she raises her head to look the other woman dead in the eyes. “Look, Akiyama, you might not have noticed, but I’m not so good at handling my negative emotions. In fact, I’m downright SHIT at it. I ended a career... fuck me, I wanted to end a life... when Cam got hurt. So how the fuck am I supposed to feel — what the fuck am I supposed to DO — when I’m the one who’s responsible for putting you on the shelf?!”
"What happened when we sparred wasn't your fault either!" Cam shifted uncomfortably in her seat, hearing the desperation in Kanako's voice, and seeing her look at her girlfriend with pleading eyes. "It was a freak accident! Yoona, please!"
Park steepled her fingers and brought her hands in front of her face, rubbing the bridge of her nose.“Kanako... Kanako, I can’t make this right,” Yoona sighs, sounding utterly exhausted. “It eats me alive, you know. I was there with Cam when she did her rehab, every step of the way, and when I saw her all I could think about was how I’d failed her. And it’s selfish, it’s fucking selfish, but I’d lose my goddamn mind if I had to do that again.”
Kanako's head hangs low, defeated, "I, uh...excuse me, please..." She then gets up and heads in the general direction of the bathroom, not wanting them to see her cry.
“So... umm... that didn’t go so well,” Camille meekly states. “Like, waaaaaaay worse than I expected, and I was expecting BAD.”
“You’re such a fucking asshole when you drink,” Yoona huffs, getting out of her chair to follow her friend.
"HOLY SHIT!!!" Kanako's voice can be heard from the vague vicinity of the DJ.
“Ah, fucking hell...” Park grumbles as she picks up the pace and strides towards the restroom in the back, calling over her shoulder, “Get us another round, Cam. I think we’re gonna need it.”
Yoona is practically run over by the diminutive Japanese girl, rushing back to their table "YOU. ME. STAGE. NOW!!" she shouts excitedly as she grabs Yoona by the hand and pulls her along with her
“Jesus, fuck...!” Park blurts as she’s dragged along. “What the hell, Akiyama...?”
"I can't believe they actually have this song, it's perfect!" she says, finally getting to the stage, she gestures to the screen, which shows "For Good, from Wicked"
“Kill me, Cam,” Yoona hisses to her girlfriend as they pass by. “Kill me NOW!”
Camille merely shrugs and raises her martini glass in a silent toast.
"Oh, come on, Yoona! It's not that bad! It's actually one of the easier songs from Wicked to sing!"
“I swear to fucking God, Akiyama...You
know I don’t do showtunes!” Park seethes through her clenched teeth. “Fine! One song! ONE!”
Akiyama nods and pats her on the back as she hands her a microphone "You sing the green parts, the red parts are mine, and the blue ones are both of us."
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Like a comet pulled from orbit (Like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes a sun (By a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder (Like a seed dropped by a bird)
Halfway through the wood (In the wood)
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed
For goodAs the song fades the two friends touch foreheads, much in the way that Cam and Yoona themselves often do, not hearing the applause from the other patrons. Finally, Yoona opens her mouth to speak, only to have Kanako preemptively silence her by placing a finger to her lips.
“Yoona, for once in your life, stop talking, and just listen.” She then looks up at her, tears welling up in her eyes, “I. Love. You. And Camille. Not in the same way that I love Trixie, but it is love, nevertheless. There is nothing you could do that I wouldn’t forgive you for. So, if you need my forgiveness for what happened to me with my ankle...then you have it. I just...I want...I
need...my friend back.”
“Hey, hey listen...” Yoona says. “I’m here, alright? Sometimes I get a little bit fucked in the head, but I’m here. I’m done running away from the people I care about.”
Kanako smiles warmly and wraps her arms around her in a tight hug, trying and not succeeding to fight off joyful tears "Thank you. That's all I've wanted...Just you. And Cam. By my side, for everything."
“Three w—“ Park starts to say before Cosworth jams a half-eaten breadstick in her mouth.
“Shut it, Yoona,” Camille admonishes as she joins in on the group hug.